The Virtue of Silence

[Syngin]

[article removed for copyright infringement]

[The Madame X]

I love this article!
kudos!!
I would like to interject some of my contrasting feelings on some points you made, but it will take me a while.
So stay tunned.

[deacongray]

Once again I need to read it two or three times to understand it all.

Great work again.

D

[Syngin]

Hmmm having to read it more than one i think is probably a bad thing I suppose I will have to revise it.

[deacongray]

Actaully I was being cryptic in saying I read it and understood it. In the piece you talk about reading and researching in depth...in truth it was a very intelligent and yet written even for those like myself who are not so magickally inclined.


I would really really really like to have to have it as a by line...


D

[The Madame X]

I love your article there is a lot of sound info in there.
There are a few subjects I'd like to highlight and offer my prespectives.

Contradictory Information.
There is one thing any seeker must realize - that there isn’t only one path. In fact there are many paths; some parallel, some intersecting, some contradictory. It is actually wonderful that now there are so many paths available to the public. A seeker needs to resonate with a certain path, see it true, embrace it, employ it, and obtain results. My path may not be yours but we can both still achieve positive results. It is important that any seeker understand and utilize Acumen. Each one of us has an innate sense of truth, our truth. We know it when we see it; we feel it with all our being. When making decisions on what information is valuable the seeker must mot only use the reasonable mind, but the senses. It is important to practice seeing the unseen, the unsaid, the unspoken between the lines, sensing that which others generally cannot, and never going against our inner feelings. The seeker must realize that everything in the world is interconnected by a sensitive spider web where it’s vital to learn to foresee the consequences of any action and lack there of. It is important to be aware of, if not receptive to, alternative ideas and possibilities.

Flaming posts and drama on the forums
Good forums keep drama to a minimum. Posts are easily deleted and dangerous members are easily removed. Just because you don’t see drama on a particular forum, doesn’t mean its not there. It probably just has been carefully disposed of. Drama is inevitable, particularly in online communities. It is much easier to wield a cyber war than a real one, and sitting behind the computer screen often has a way of empowering the weakest cowards. Some of us Nightkind have some extreme beliefs and philosophies that are scorned by those who do not share those ideals, i.e.: the sanguine vamp who does not believe in otherkin and the Luciferian who wants to impale the Christian Vamp…. It’s sad, but just like Syngin said, not all nightkind is open-minded. And although these are extreme examples, smaller things may trigger drama. Understand that Drama is a part of our community; it is when the chips are down that character is proven. These moments of tension are perfect ways to see who is who, who is respectful, loyal, compassionate, wise… and who is irreverent, flippant, instigating and just plain undesirable.

Unwarranted Flattery
Unwarranted flattery on-line or in person is a HUGE danger sign. This is probably the worst scheme to see thru, because flattery usually makes us feel good and we see it as a positive thing. Be skeptic of any unwarranted flattery or attention. Sure if you write a terrific article, expect applause and commendation for your work, and if you demonstrate kindness and compassion, it is only natural that you are received warmly. But any great deal of initial warmth or compliment without just cause should be considered with caution. Some groups may simply want to add to their membership numbers quickly, and see you as a quick draw. Some groups need worker bees and will give you much praise and attention so that you can do what they consider medial tasks, with no credit to you.
Some groups/individuals target newbies as prey, they find out what you need and offer it to you like a carrot on a stick, elevating you to meaningless titles while you learn nothing … or they may have even more complicated political/territorial agendas that you may not be privy to. So take heed.

Introductions
I believe that introductions to a group are important. It tells the group where you are in your path. If the group is sincere, they will welcome you and offer up some commonalities to establish friendship. As a moderator for several groups I must say that if I have no clue who you are and what you seek and if you merely ask occasional off handed questions, you may not even get a response, or at least not a very friendly response. Personally I tend to go more out of my way for those people who share about themselves and their experiences. Although I want my groups to be perceived as resources, I don’t like to be treated as a service. As Owner/Mod it’s not my duty to answer your questions instead, it is a privilege to have any senior group member impart time on you.

Self-Congratulatory Behavior
One thing is stating where you hale from, your past involvements in the community and your aspirations, the other thing is inane boasting about past deeds and tread an introduction or conversation as an opportunity to affirm how powerful, masterful or able you are, particularly if all you offer is unverifiable rhetoric. For instance: “Hello I am Madame X Matriarch of House of the Dreaming <www.houseofthedreaming.org>. I love poetry and the arts and I used to run a publication called The Rift Arts Forum. You might also have read some vampyre books I have collaborated on.” This tells the reader what our associations are and that they are verifiable, it tells the reader what your interests are and that you were active in that scene. On the other hand this introduction sounds arrogant pompous and unfounded: “ I am Madame X, You will address me as Matriarch as I am the founder of the most renowned family of the East Coast. I am an expert on poetry, art and vampyrism and my work has been published by the pest publishers in the nation.” Some people regardless of how much Tenure they have in the community, like to spin enhanced stories creating for themselves a niche of power the only way they can, with self-congratulatory rhetoric in the hopes that it impresses the listener and possibly gets taken beyond that sphere to more ears that care to listen and pass it on. And yet another way to establish a niche of power is by slamming other groups and individuals as worthless and pitiful or as evil menacing forces. Many individuals resort to this type of slander as the only way to secure personal power.
Personally, listening to this kind of BS makes me feel dirty, kind of like I was just speaking to a smelly fishmonger… Yuck! Don’t be mesmerized by their stream of wonder, instead stay away from those characters and the bad fish they are trying to sell.
I’m not saying a good teacher must be a Wallflower, that is invisible, nor am I saying that a good teacher has to be on the News … as the seeker you must decide what is good for your growth.

Reaching out to Students
Not only predators reach out to newbies. Elders by definition should have some degree of experience, divine connection and/or intuitive sense that assists them to attract those that can pass on their knowledge and carry on their work. Unfortunately, most newbies can’t even tell the difference between a good teacher and a bad one. And you bet if I see potential in you (as many of you in this forum can attest to) I will reach out to you and let you know. I have even offered my tutelage to some who were simply not yet ready, and have declined. I can accept that, not everyone is ready for what I have to offer. But I could not forgive myself for not approaching someone that I see lines of kinship with, someone that I already know to be family. While the study of Magick maybe different from the study of our nature as a vamp, therian, or otherkin, the principle stays the same, Teachers need to find those who can better carry and continue their knowledge and work; it is part of their responsibility. Students can insist and persist, but ultimately understand that the Elder sees more than you do, and if he says ‘no’, or ‘not yet’, there is a valid reason.
It is not odd or uncommon for an Elder to try to recruit a newbie, we see potential we grab it. Usually the one that grabs him/her first wins untapped potential. It’s an honor and a privilege when a good mentor approaches you. The initial experiences one has in the community are formative. Many drop out completely because of their initial negative experiences. So you bet if I see potential I’m going to approach you and even try to recruit you. Its up to you, the seeker, to draw the line of comfort… it is my responsibility to treat you with respect and compassion teaching you what you are ready for and not beyond; all in its due time. Knowledge is a responsibility; too much at once is too big of a burden for even the best of students.
Another thing to consider is secret organizations, or at least those that are not on the news, that don’t host huge gatherings, that don’t publish books, that are not on the net and that like to stay in the shadows remaining invisible. Be extra careful of these organizations and the individuals that lead them, but at the same time be open. There are many organizations that pride themselves upon their secrecy and this does not make them less worthy. And, because of their secrecy, it is unlikely that you’ve sought them out. If they reach out to you it is truly a serious step, so proceed with caution.
And finally there is one other thing to consider: territory. Many vamp houses assume that just because they are based in that city that everyone in that city needs to follow their traditions. It’s always better when there are options within the same location, so that you do not feel pigeonholed by default into something you are not completely keen about. Don’t commit to anything before you are completely comfortable.

[Syngin]

These are all excellent points Madame. I really like the one about boasting. I personally don't like to list any of my so called credentials. I prefer that people except me for me and not because they think I can offer them something. Besides then I don't have to live up to the expectations of others.

[Aislin Ni MorRhiaghan]

This is one of the most important articles and responses I've read in a very long time. It seems that newbies come into the community wanting to dive right into the community and don't really understand that there are not so cool people out there that will take advantage of them and possibly harm them as well. Telling a newbie who not to be around is probably less important than telling them how to find the organizations they should be around. To a newbie searching for a household or a mentor I say trust your instincts. If you get a funny feeling from someone regardless of how much they flatter you, leave. You don't have discernment and common sense for nothing. It doesn't make you rude or chicken, it makes you alive and sane.

Aislin

[The Madame X]

bump
Times change but people don't.
I'm glad i wrote this in 2006, so that i don't have to rewrite it now.