Hi there, computer crashed while posting last post and I seem to have posted it three times, so sorry.
I am very isolated from people right now, I have moved so many times and am just meeting my neighbours one more time. I am not sure where my place is in society. I do the school runs and work on the phone lines it awes me to see how I have become a virtual hermit once again.
I need community and I guess right now, you are it.
So being a 'holder of spiritual space' or a priest by a community is where I would like to be but I wait to be invited first.
I do not see myself as a passionate person, I am always a little worried when someone asks what do you really enjoy doing? errr reading a good book in the bath..top of the list..lol I got passionate about oil painting last night, first time in ages I felt VITAL about anything. I like doing my writing as well and long to publish my next book but am waiting for others to edit it..which is annoying, no one edits my paintings, so why should they edit my writings....but I want it to sell so will try and be patient here. Creativity is a last ditch attempt to keep feeling alive in me. I do need feedback though, and I am not getting any.
I am good at tapping into want people need..I can easily read them and when asked can give guidance and advice. I am very good at seeing the dance of energy that flows between people. I am confident in my skills and probably come across very arrogant. Dont ask the question if you don't want the answer.
I do not feel useful and my energy is being wasted on irritations and screw ups, I do know better, but there is not much else for me to concentrate on right now. Even the necromancy which was fascinating at first has grown dull because I have been told I am on the wrong frequency level. I see alive things not dead things, I remember past lives and the dead do not linger long after passing for me. When I died before I had the whole universe to explore I wasn't going to hang around graveyards and hospitals. I don't believe in death, and from what I gather, you need too and you need to gain an ally and work with them . I astral walk and see shades of dreamers but these are living dreamers even if they are not in a body yet. So I do not see dead people like the necromancer who is trying to teach me, our ideology is at odds, though she has my deepest respect. It is a shame really because having some dead friends would at least be company.
I want to feel useful and make a difference, I want to feel challenged again. I am tired of individual readings, they are useful but it seems like the only question I am being asked these days are "Is he/she coming back?" which is very important to them but is a stupid question!
I want a community that will use my skills and push me further by asking more from me, I need the question, it is how I grow. I am surrounded by dullness and am terrified I will end up like them..lol This world is an illusion,what happens on the inner thought planes are more real. My inner thoughts are getting dull and creativity is the only thing that is keeping the spark alive.
Sorry bit of a pent up rant there...but it answers the question..