by Aislin Ni MorRhiaghan » Mon Jun 30, 2008 10:49 pm
This is a complicated topic. Firstly because I despise labels passionately. I feel they greatly limit us and limit our ability to simply BE without restriction. Do we truly need a definition? No I don't think so. We know what we are, whether we know or understand why has little to do with it, we know and we know when we see others of our kind. Sanguine, psi, eros, incubi, succubi, otherkin, whatever we may use to definie who we are limits us. It is not these words that define us but the way we feed. When I meet someone at a nightside event I don't introduce myself as Aislin Ni MorRhiaghan of the Dreaming, sangoerotic vampyre, otherkin/angelkin, saurian, so forth. Those are minute things about me. They are not the sum of my identity. Psi vamp, sanguine, eros....all descriptions of how we feed, how we obtain what it is we need but not who we truly are.
We are predators yes, but predators with a conscience. We have the unique ability among predators to delineate right from wrong, form ethics, and codes of honor and to know effective means of feeding. This does not lessen our hunger but makes it safer to tame it, whip it into submission, and control it as one must control any beast. That this hunger can affect our body, mind and spirit is without question. It is without a reason, it simply IS. We are not monsters, we were once worshipped as gods. We have a proud lineage and one that should be accepted without fear, but that is a long road that one must choose to walk. Not all of our brothers and sisters can handle this walk. To those we must offer strength, wisdom, and understanding. Offering definitions may aid some, but it will hinder moreso than help.
My path has been a long one and I can understand the desire for self definition, a logical explanation for somethings that seems illogical. Even as a child I knew I was not like other children. I was not like my family. I felt a distinct separation from everyone and as a result I separated myself. I did not understand my need how could they? My true hunger did not emerge until much later in life, but even as a very young child I would sneak raw meat, gaze at the packages in the butcher's window and find myself mesmerized by the red gooey pools on the butcher's block. I continually got into trouble for licking my mom's beef packages clean when I thought no one was looking. I would notice things like the veins in someone's arms, the way their throats arched, and cuts were absolutely nearly irressitable.
My teen years found something a little harder....my first bout with real hunger. I became very lethargic, had a migraine that lasted for days followed by abdominal pains, depression, and nose bleeds. I had a good idea what I was exactly but was unwilling to put a name on it because I thought I was either crazy or utterly alone in a very small town. The desire for blood made me feel very much like a monster because certainly no rational human being would crave human blood.
My middle teen years brought something new...acknowledgement. I will never forget meeting someone who looked at me without disgust or fear and said quite simply, we are the same kind, blood of my blood, welcome to the family. Putting a name on it was never a part of that acknowledgement. We were something else, we were royalty and were treated as such at events and among each other. My years after that brought understanding, logic aside because logic simply is not necessary. I disliked the idea of hunting, the concept of feeding, that someone opened a vein willingly for me or that there were other ways of feeding. I disliked having to feed at all and fought it until I was too weak to sit up. I learned that survival is more important that pride or stubbornness. I learned safe ways to feed. I learned to stretch my mind in ways I never thought possible not in spite of my nature but because of it. Finally the last decade brought peace and acceptance.
Our natures are very much like the concept of God. It is simply too complex to fit into a nice neat little compartment. We are not hybrids, we are simply like anyone else in this regard...we are packages of information from our many many many hundreds of thousands of incarnations that carry files. As one file is open our minds stretch to understand itand our brain fights this understanding. At some point we have been a great many shapes and forms, we have fed in many ways, and we have had many different needs. That a sanguine vampyre may also feed from sexual energy is not anything new, nor is it anything new that a psi feeder may be elemental, or that he or she may occasionally need something warmer and redder to sustain his or her energy. Regardless of how we feed, we need this from something else to sustain our many layered Body. Adjusting our intake and means of draw is simply good common sense, safe feeding practice and stretches our minds. It certainly does not segregate us into different types of vampyre.
Our nature is a distinct part of who we are, how we feed is nothing more than a natural reaction to that nature, to the need that arises within us. The word vampyre comes from the same word as witch, umpire, or upire (if it's misspelled my apologies) but certainly not every vampyre is a witch. So how should we define ourselves? Is it truly necessary? For some yes. for others no. I agree completely that the need for labels (in some cases the entire vampier than thou sorts) does indeed cause segregation among our kind. We know our own. We can feel them, we can hear them. It is understood. Defining ourselves by how we feed, how we have evolved, our nature in general is a mistake to an extent. When we begin our path it is necessary for some. It can bring understanding for the moment, but we are not simply one energy or one need. We feel the need for labels and definitions because they appeal to our logical brain that says we have to have a disctinct explanation for everything. Considering your nature with your mind allows acceptance and opens the door to what it is that truly guides you.
Eternally,
Aislin