The Terrible Ugly

[The Madame X]

The Terrible Ugly
corruption within
By Madame X © 2000 (2008 revision)

At first glance the Nightkind community appears to be quite beautiful. It is laced with Lords and Ladies of gracious etiquette, adorned with grand balls and candlelit soirées, fluttering hand fans, gloved hands and prim walking canes. There is patchouli and cloves in the air and decadent savory potions on inviting lips. Hands are kissed, pleasantries exchanged, Elders respected and the newly arrived treasured.

But in the shadows there lurks a terrible ugly thing that permeates our community, resilient in its pervasion it discredits our mentors, sours our young, corrupts the seasoned, and divides the rest. There is no small remedy for it, no true way to avoid it and few places where we can even begin to hide from it. It is an ugly so shameful that little has ever been written on it, since it has no doubt, to some degree, touched every individual within our beautiful Nightkind Community.

When we first enter the community it is no doubt at the hand of someone who dares to light a candle within us. They remind us of whom we are, what we have forgotten, that we have a formidable potential and a greater purpose. Nightkind need this candle’s light. Its subtle glow guides our desires, assists us in our path of self preservation, it motivates us to grow, learn and teach; it insures the very continuation of our kind. Our community and its denizens cultivate this glow with ceremonies, formalities, bestowments and indulgences. This glow strengthens us, betters us, allows us distinction and recognition…but his beautiful candle in our heart can become blinding, steering us farther and farther away from our center.

Before stepping inside a community gathering, you are expected to look the part, by dressing and behaving in the appropriate fashion. Like royalty we are told. We are encouraged to believe that we, Nightkind, are more special and certainly more significant than the weak mainstream majority; that there are names for the likes of those and that we, Nightkind, despise and reject them. We are thought how to earn a place on top of the food ladder, how to climb the social echelons through charm and narcissism, and how to magnify ambition, diligence and over-achievement to leave others staggered in the dust. We are encouraged to be our own gods, laugh on the face of compassion, and insist on selfish indulgences. The combination of all this can be an intoxicating brew, where we can undoubtedly not only engage but revel in it. In fact, the denizens of our community celebrate arrogance and empty pride, as often as talent and dedication, sometimes even more so.

Attaining satisfaction from meeting our goals needs to generate positive social behaviors like helping others, or mentoring, enhancing our levels of altruism, creativity, and productivity in our personal lives as well as in the community. Not aggression, not conflict nor hostility. It is this very empty pride that distempers our composure, it is the underlying reason for all the other problems we face, and can ultimately be the reason for the very disintegration of our beloved community. It behooves us to cultivate and channel positive self-affirming pride, not only for ourselves but also for those who walk beside us. As members of the community we must strive to stay away from those whose grandiose over-confidence is not only unjustifiable, but inflated to the point where others, particularly the young, the newly awakened, or the life-donors, become by word or actions reduced to insignificant play things. As mentors for our community we must carefully impart responsibility and endowments, for they may create a proverbial self-consuming monster. As senior members we must not fall prey to greed, unwarranted flattery, command, commission, spotlight, or otherwise engage in arrogant self-congratulatory behavior.

Our path as Nightkind is not easy. We must internally connect with our senses of accountability, fortitude and integrity. Our gifts are our responsibility. Our challenges are our evolution. And our life-choices demonstrate our character.

[RavenHarte]

I *love * this!!!

[SoVeReIgN]

[The Madame X]

Thank you.
Most of us come into the community not to Be something but to Learn something. For some reason, along the way, many of us forget why we embarked on this journey.

[Khan]

I will continue to contend that the purpose of our journey is to look out for our own, collectively, and learn from our mistakes personally. Names should never be more important than that.

[Rev_Darkstar]

*grumbles a bit under my breath*

Okay lets try this again and hope that I don't get cut off before hitting the send button, lol. I whole-heartedly agree, there is something really wrong amidst the Nightkind Community. Too many times I've encountered would-be members of the community who at some point decided they knew everything there was to know and no one could ever teach them anything new. I have a major problem when it comes to people with grossly inflated egos. It makes me wonder how much of what they say is influenced by a drive to further inflate their egos or a true search for knowledge and wisdom.

These people make it harder for the rest to grow because those who seriously do seek further personal knowledge and wisdom have to constantly act as buffers to these "bad eggs". Those of us of the Nightkind Community who truly seek to better ourselves and the community as a whole often end up getting stuck cleaning up after these self-destructive people.

Yes there truly is a terrible ugly amidst the Nightkind Community, and although its impossible to eradicate it completely, we can choose to combat it in positive ways. Such as we must never allow ourselves to adopt even for a minute that we know everything, because rest assured there is always more to learn, and when it comes to those who feed into the negative stigma that society has placed on us, the best defense is to seek to better educate people to the reality of who we are as opposed to what we are believed to be. A single voice is easily overlooked or ignored but a multitude of voices is harder and sometimes impossible to ignore.

[The Madame X]

Its a terrible thing when we feel hurt or disrespected by another member of the community. Such things are generally personal issues, that should remain within personal confines (the line of `personal´is broken when there is an actual crime of course).

Even the more seasoned members of our community from time to time, feel emotionally compelled to take personal events to a community wide level. Perhaps it is because they feel the need for community attention, sympathy, acceptance, or even because they need to know who is on their side. Unfortunately this is inappropriate behavior that serves only to perpetuate Community Drama and what it serves: division, confusing the young, and causing the more serious to contemplate walking away.

Emotional pain and disrespect are very serious things, in and out of the community. Its not easy dealing with such strong feelings of disrespect, dishonesty or worse. I'm sure we have all experienced failed relationships, be it romantic or not, where our partner truly wronged us. It sucks.

After the sadness washes away we are left with the raw bones of anger. We want to tell everyone what a bad, insensitive person they were, get the emotional support of as many as possible and embark on some tepid battle against this person, converting as many as possible to our side. . . this type of reactionary behavior is the primary reason for Community Drama, Community division, Community mis-communication, and the reason why so many serious individuals both new-comers and seasoned are not involved with the Community at large.

The answer? There is no answer, really. There will always be people that anger us, make us feel weak, lost and disrespected; hurting the core of our pride, particularly if we are of any standing in the Community. Its a shame when this happens. But it will. It always does, in and out of the Community. No two people ever see the same issue with the same set of eyes, so we disagree and move in different directions. Its part of life.

The Key lies in determining who we want to include in our life, and to what degree; ultimately we can truly only control our own choices and actions. Dialogue and open communication between the 2 parties involved is a good step toward conflict resolution. When effective communication just is not possible between the two, seeking a mediator or approaching the individual's Sire, Mentor or Elder is recommended. Whatever it takes to resolve the conflict and minimize Drama. Usually, we just need to resolve matters internally realizing that people do what they want, not what we want them to.

Being the Matriach of the Dreaming I am available to speak to anyone that has any issues with any member of my Family. It is my sole interest to protect my Family from scandal and the Community from further division.

[Marquis]

Relationships between tantric vampires tend to be more intense than relationships we may have with others. We will experience the same highs and lows as with any friendship or romance, however, our energy is more directed and in most cases, we are more invested emotionally with our connections. What this means, essentially, is that we are at a higher risk of dealing with dramatic emotion shifts depending on the relationship. When we love, we love deeply and passionately. When we hurt, it's to the core of our being. When we mourn, it vibrates throughout our souls. This is our nature and it is vital to maintain a healthy mindset during whatever obstacles may present themselves.

At one time or another in our lives, we have dealt with forgiveness. You may think back now on the various times you've found yourself in the position to forgive or to ask for forgiveness. It seems like such a simple request, however, digging deep within for the root of the issue is much harder. We often tell those who ask for forgiveness that we have forgiven them because we don't want them to suffer. Or perhaps it's the opposite. We never admit forgiveness as it is a potent means of punishment. Either way, forgiveness is not as easy as it sounds.

There is an old saying, to love another you must first love yourself. This saying should also apply to forgiveness. Lest we forgive ourselves, we cannot forgive others. Our relationships are dramatically damaged by deep seeded issues that we never address, such as jealousy and anger. Our partners and friends are often hurt when we strike out with negative emotions. They are left to wonder exactly what they have done, and in some cases, they even blame themselves when they may not know what the problem is. This is not healthy and is a toxin that will ruin your connections with others.

We must look inside ourselves first. Dig deep enough and you will find the root of your pain. If you're not happy with yourself, find out why and move mountains, if necessary, to change it. Self work is crucial to the success of any relationship and will only better prepare you when dealing with whatever hurdles may pop up. We often react in such harsh ways as we are not sure there is another way. We may send out vibes that scream anger yet what we want is to be loved.

As tantric vampires build relationships, we must always remember to look inside ourselves. We are in a relationship of balance with another tantric vampire and our goal is to nourish that connection as it provides beautiful life force for you both. It should be equally important that both partners, whether friends, physical partners, or pranic lovers work toward understanding themselves as well as supporting their partners in their search. When we come to the place where we are no longer bringing unnecessary baggage and negativity into the relationship, the flow of energy will increase and our connection will strengthen that much more.

We cannot maintain healthy tantric connections by pointing fingers at others. Take responsibility for yourself. Make changes now, don't wait until more negative energy has built and been exchanged. Most people don't realize that the first step in changing any situation is to simply change our mindset. When the sky is blue and all you see is black, remember, tomorrow it may be raining and the sun will hide. It can always get worse, and in most cases it will continue to get worse until you take the first step and make changes within yourself. Do not look to others, look within. Remind yourself how fortunate you are to have such incredible connections with others. Smile when you think of the love passed between you. Focus your attentions on the things that attracted you to each other. Get lost in the passion you share. See the beauty of your exchange and marvel in it.

Now that you're smiling and filled with the positive energy of your memories, it's time to forgive yourself and to give yourself permission to love and be loved. Tell yourself every day that you are loved unconditionally and that you love from the depths of your soul. Then, take off the mask you've created for yourself, the one that hides you so well, and turn to your loved ones and tell them that you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you and what a difference they make in your life. Shower them with the love you have wanted so desperately to have from them and feel your connection strengthen.

Now is the time to tear down walls. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Live passionately!

[The Madame X]

Thank you Marquis, that is very well stated.

[Ookami]

I too want to Extend my gratitude to Marquis, It is exactly this sort of internal work that could help to solve and defuse much of the conflict. I wasn't aware that the worst of the conflict was between Tantric Vampires, so that was also a small revelation.
If someone would indulge me I would like to know where this illness comes from, this sickness of self worship and overindulgence that is so common in this community?
Was it a trend that began years ago? Was it one of the principles that the vampire community was built upon? When did it become allowed, expected and respectable to cradle arrogance?
Self value and development come hand in hand, and arrogance is often a small by product that builds ups when there is no one there to remind us of our position and weakness. It may only be one of the many causes for this illness but it seems like an important one to work with.

On a few occasions myself and others have commented on topics and have received either empty personal attacks or overly aggressive negative responses. (Not in this Forum)
It is completely expected for people to disagree and point that out, it is however unacceptable and confusing for that disagreement to come in the form of an aggressive Remark explaining how our opinion is absolutely ridiculous and ignorant, how we shouldn't even bother speaking, so on so forth. This being the softer of cases and most of the time without a clear reason so that the person could educate themselves on their mistake.

This is confusing to those who are new and attempting to understand and further awaken, and is unpleasant for those who have been around for longer and who's opinions shouldn't count for a little more.
I believe these sort of situations are a big issue followed by the situations where people will actively look for personal attacks in each others comments and words. Seeking reasons to argue and fight.
Going back to the inflated pride, people are responding to anything that approaches their overly bloated pride as if it was a life of death matter, all too eager to become savage in order to protect their appearance.
There is much left unsaid here, and yet I feel I have stretched simple topics too wide.

I believe that if we had active mediators who are respected, stepping in and reminding people they must not behave this way then it might make some difference. However it is a task few can accomplish and that comes at a high personal cost of time and patience.

Thank for listening

[The Madame X]

Ookami, I appreciated your perspective.
Yet I must say that whenever anyone says something that has a certain tone, people immediately get nervous, me included lol. Its a fine line sometimes between overconfidence and victim mentality. Even moderators have a hard time stepping in without being called tyrants on their own boards.
With regards to Tantric Vamps, I do not believe that is where the major fault lies.
The overall problem in the community is that there are too many Alphas, and Alphas wanna bees. Eventually folks will butt heads.
If you look carefully, our community is designed to allow for any leaders to go on and prove themselves and lead by example... Something I aspire to do. But many believe that 'there can be only one' and expect everyone to bow down to some title or rule of convention...and in our community most folks will refuse to be pegged down and boxed in.
Goths don't like the term Goth. 5 vamps cant agree on the definition of vampirism. 10 pagans form 3 covens... and the reason is because there is more than just one answer, than just one truth, for any one thing.