The Word Can't

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The Word Can't

Postby SophieAnn » Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:55 pm

The Word Can’t

Having observed my three year old niece it has suddenly struck me how quickly the word can’t comes into play: more precisely when the word ‘won’t’ is actually meant. I suggest that actually this is something indicative of our society, and the indication that ‘can’t is used instead illustrates how far and deeply ingrained this can become. Later in life, I believe the word can’t becomes associated with shoulds and oughts, an acknowledgement that really we have the power within ourselves to do things differently if only we had the motivation or inclination to do so.

Yet having struggled with various underlying disabilities all my life, the word can’t is very important to me as it is a heart-cry for others to stop and take notice that I am faced with a barrier of some kind. Many times I have been faced with a question on a sheet of paper that is simply too bright and I have been unable to read it. Even as far back as primary school I have used the word ‘can’t’ and have been told that there is no such word (I remember at that early age really believing my teacher hadn’t come across the word so hurriedly tried to find another that he could understand)! For me the word can’t was a method of communicating where I was having difficulty and was unable to work at the same speed or ability as others, or a means to communicate how things could be easier; That inner ‘can’t’ was a call for that recognition just to go that bit slower or to find another means to reach my intended goal. In other words, neither a can’t nor a won’t but a wait and engage an alternative means to attain. Yet even through acknowledging this, I recognise and acknowledge there are other times I have used the ‘can’t’ in the more traditional way and in all honesty also making excuses for my own lack of motivation.

When we use the word ‘can’t’, how often do we impose a limitation upon ourselves, especially if we follow it with a should? An example of this could be: “I can’t put down this cigarette, I know I should and I really ought to but I just can’t today.” Saying this we block any actions of an empowering outcome from the thought and delay with the hope that somehow in an alternate reality that maybe the next day or the next week, month or year that things will be different. “I will start this diet tomorrow, I can’t today” is another common example.

These are however just the surface examples for I believe our own pre-set limitations run far deeper. “I can’t change my ways, I can’t understand my patterns. I can’t think in new ways. I am restricted.” By these self-limiting affirmations we prescribe a set of deterministic mannerisms that are doomed to be repeated from one life to the next.

My conversation with my three year old niece was to talk of honesty. When she was screaming ‘can’t’ at me (for something as simple as sitting on a potty) I allowed her to run up and down the corridor in temper and calmly suggested to her being honest was a good start. I encouraged her to replace it with the word ‘won’t’ since that was acknowledging her own power to affirm her intent and control over what was taking place. Whereas the word ‘can’t’ negates our responsibility and limits our choices, the word ‘won’t declares we actually have the power within to do something about it.

Which is why, I believe children as young as my niece learn the word ‘can’t’ because of the perception that it will get them out of trouble. If they really can’t nobody will expect them to try. As adults if we really ‘can’t’ we are more likely to receive sympathy and help rather than being dismissed; if we prove that we can’t we may be able to receive benefits that those which can with effort are otherwise denied. We fear loosing others support without the word can’t. So the word can’t becomes an integral part of the world in which we live, and as such fall short of our inner potential.

Through acknowledging and bringing this into our awareness, we can catch ourselves using this limiting word and really empower ourselves to make the changes in our lives. I need. I can. I will.

Today. Right now. And tomorrow.

Blessings
Sophie
Make every moment special
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Re: The Word Can't

Postby Aislin Ni MorRhiaghan » Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:19 pm

This is wonderful work Sophie! And true!! Imagine the power the human race would have now if the words I can't had not been introduced. We've become a society of a trillion excuses not to do what needs to be done. We will make a list of explanations and expend much energy and time doing so, for no other reason that because no one wants to say I don't want to. Some use it as a clutch to get other people to do things for them. I know some people that will go through tons of trouble to get out of doing what they are supposed to be doing when in fact it would have saved so much time and energy to just do it and get it over with lol.

Eternally,

Aislin
Aislin Ni MorRhiaghan
 


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