The Torrent of Awakening

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Introduction

As we first come to realize our true nature, we go through a period of personal struggle, shifting and settling that we call the ‘Awakening’. There aren’t many other human experiences that reach the same levels of stress, anxiety, spiritual uncertainty and emotional tumult as what is brought on by the Awakening. Being this a time of considerable vulnerability, the way in which this catharsis is dealt with can become imprinted generating long-term emotional and behavioral consequences. Whether we have arrived at this uneasy place alone, through self-realization or whether we have arrived here by the hand of a mentor; House of the Dreaming recommends that none of us go thru this difficult time alone; instead we suggest seeking the company of our Sire, a mentor, or a Nightside Family that can offer wise council and support.

It may not be easy to come to terms with the realization that we are magical creatures. Being a ‘natural witch’ may be simpler to accept, but sharing the nature of a ‘vampire’, a ‘were-creature’, or even a more remote mythical being, may be far more disconcerting. It is the logical, intelligent side of our psyche that compels us to cast aside those notions, yet we often find ourselves battled by an inner voice that screams otherwise demanding recognition. No, you are not mad. This is part of the journey; its very beginning – The Awakening.

The Awakening can manifest itself suddenly, colliding with our reality, or it can be a slow process unfurling itself over a period of months or years, peacefully instilling within us a new found sense of balance, leaving us comfortably empowered by our new becoming. While some of us may have experienced The Awakening at an early age, as children, many go through their Awakening as young adults, or even at some later point in their adult lives. There are no two cases exactly alike, but there is much common ground and parallels. Often compared to the layers of an onion, The Awakening can reveal itself in phases, one level leading onto another, and so on, where the best reward lies in the personal journey of self-discovery we have embarked on.

As we awaken to our spiritual selves, we open and unlock our personal energy centers, or chakras, stimulate our endocrine system and as a result experience biochemical fluctuations that affect everything about us. Unfortunately, not all transitions are smooth unfolding, many are sudden jarring experiences where the very basis for reality seems to suddenly have been ripped out from under our feet … but certainly not everyone goes through periods of dementia, somnambulism, or paranoia. There are also many individuals who turn to medicine, alcohol or drugs in a misguided attempt to subdue their symptoms. In doing this they often end up losing themselves. Turning to medical doctors generally does not help; they may find ways to suppress the symptoms with anti-anxiety drugs, mood inhibitors, pain-killers and psycho therapy but the true reason for the malady is seldom diagnosed or addressed. In fact, any extended use of drugs or chemical substances prevent and halt The Awakening process. For the first time, our inner core is reaching out simultaneously in many directions; unrecognized over a prolonged period of time, these symptoms can become physical disease, psychological impediment or even worse. For this reason it is important to recognize such signs, as indications that there is something important below the surface that needs to be discovered, addressed, and acknowledged. During this time of Awakening, more than ever before we need to tap into our own sense of inner awareness, acumen, and utterly trust our instincts.

The Awakening process is generally marked by any or all of these seven general aspects:
• Creative, emotional, and energetic changes
• Increased sensitivities
• Physical and metabolic changes
• Heightened intuitive awareness
• A new way of seeing, sensing, and interpreting reality
• A new found sense of personal and interpersonal awareness
• Increased self-esteem

For an otherwise healthy individual who is not under any medical or chemical influence, these aspects can be confusing, overwhelming and even frightening. The newly awakened often fall into this torrent of change unprepared only to turn away in despair, or emerge on the other side as bitter vengeful creatures lacking in honor and compassion. It is important that we face these often unsettling experiences with courage and fortitude, knowing that we are not alone in our journey; we have been chosen and are protected by The Ancients, and if we so wish it, we can always opt to close each door and walk away in peace.

Here we will take each general aspect of The Awakening process dissecting it, to further the understanding of why it is happening, where it is emanating from, and what steps to take to better cope embracing the change.

[Darkness]

Thank you Madame X for writing and posting this introduction. I call myself having awakened several years ago; however, I believe we always are awakening to a degree as we are ever changing. I truly enjoyed reading this as it is nice to have things validated, even in our times we feel we are becoming more balanced. I see that you've written this as an introduction. Have you more to post perhaps?
Eternally,
Darkness

[Taris]

Interesting topic Madame When I first began awakening it was weird for me. I was always on my own, never had a mentor, and did not ever have a real family so to say. I had already been walking the many different occult paths though so it kind of surprised me. It is good to have someone there to speak with about experiences, meditations, travels, or generally anything that may help to set the mind at ease through the initial awakening period. I know there have been many times where I have questioned myself as well as my sanity. It is a hard path to take and I feel the awakening process never truly ends so it is a long path as well. I wish all those embarking upon it good luck and dark blessings .

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part I

Creative, Emotional, and Energetic Changes
Creative surges, emotional and mental confusion, depression, emotional surges, energy surges and adrenalin rushes, electronic malfunctions

“I’m so inspired day and night. My head is filled with different voices and visions. Am I going mad?”

Creative Surges – It is not uncommon to find ourselves increasingly inspired to create. Some of us may receive ideas and images at an overwhelming rate. These moments of inspiration may arrive routinely at regular intervals like waves, or they may be random uncontrollable bursts of creation seemingly coming from an outside source pushing in. We may be surprised, pleased or maybe even abhorred at the content of such inspiration, and while we may question it, we should nor dismiss it but instead embrace it exploring such Creative Surges in our favorite media; be it visual arts, music or written works. Such creative surges may also manifest as visions or dreams. Creative Surges can also be a pleasant side effect of energy exchange, communion or feeding. It is important to record these inspirations because they were no doubt delivered onto us with a very specific purpose that may be linked with our personal betterment, of our Family or that of the community. To this end we may find useful to have with us at all times either a tape recorder or a small journal.


“I’m beginning to feel that I can’t handle all the changes around me. I thought the awakening was supposed to bring me balance so why does it feel that my entire world is upside down?”

Emotional and Mental Confusion – “How can this be happening to me?” and “Why me?” are frequent expressions of despair spoken by newly awakened individuals. We begin to feel torn between our old selves and our true identity that lies within. Suddenly we realize that our reality is in flux and that we need to put some order to the madness. We realize that our life has been a mess for so long and that now that we want to do something about it, we are unavoidably preoccupied with all these facets of our Awakening that can be stressful and involved. There are new people in our lives and heart that evoke inner conflict and turmoil generating cycles of self-doubt, guilt, worry and anxiety. We may find ourselves unexplainable bonded to a new individual or a new family; and likewise grow detached from others who we once felt were so important. Our priorities change as well as so many other things, and we may not be able to see the reason why. We might feel unable to focus on the more mundane things. Mind and heart may be at odds where we may be called to make decisions that may put either one, or both, at risk. Thru silent moments, meditation and introspection, we must resolve to find that calm place inside us that brings us peace so that we can exercise discretion and tap into our acumen.


“Lately I have been feeling really empty, like a part of me is gone forever. I feel lost and succumb to bouts of sadness and despair. I’m alone, curled up, just thinking about never being able to be happy. How can I stop this?”

Depression – It’s bad enough we always acted so different; now we are realizing that we ARE indeed very different. It’s not easy to mesh our needs, desires, aesthetic, and demeanor with the expectations of society. We often find ourselves at odds with the world and at odds with ourselves. The answers we seek just aren’t there. The validation we need also evades us. We are left with duties, responsibilities and a soul that seeks further self-substantiation. This is not easy, but “you are not alone”. We’ve all gone through bouts of angst and depression; some of us still do despite our tenure in the community or how long we’ve known of our innate nature. Here are some options that can help keep the gloom at bay:
• Firstly, we need to regard with equal importance our dayside duties of work, school, family and bills on the same plane as our interest in our spiritual self-discovery; as one cannot take precedence over the other, else we will find ourselves buried in debt and in bad dayside choices that will only deepen our problems and therefore our depression.
• In these dark times we need more than ever to reach out, communicate our needs, and find senior community members to talk to, they can address our specific issues with valuable guidance based on specific needs and personal experiences. It may not be easy to look outward when we are feeling so glum, but the best thing we can do is get out and socialize with positive individuals.
• Helping others can be a very fulfilling endeavour. There are always those that would welcome company or a simple gesture of kindness. The emotional and spiritual rewards of these acts of compassion are immeasurable and can help make the difference.
• Regular exercise can also help; it focuses the mind and releases the anguish in a more physical sense. To feel refreshed, balanced, and at peace we can follow up the physical exertion with a warm sea-salt bath or if possible a dip in a pond, lake or ocean.
• Reconnect with pleasurable things like people and places we’ve left behind. Reconnect with nature or with a faster paced environment, only we know our own personal needs.
• If there is a particular something that brings us peace or happiness, we can carry it (or at least a piece of it) with us at all times like a talisman or lucky charm, i.e.: a vial of sand from our favourite vacation trip, our grandfather’s watch, etc… It’s comforting to be able to connect with and touch something that holds fond memories, in some way making us feel integrated.
• It’s always a good idea to ensure that we have some personal private space. When we share our living space with other people, siblings or roommates, it is vital that we find at least a corner that we call our own where we can isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. Whether it’s a room or a corner, we should decorate it with items that bring us pleasure and whether we sit on a bed, chair, pillow, or rug, that can be our personal place to meditate, study, or just be.
• If we somehow have become prisoners of our own lives where we are trapped by too many environmental conditions, moving may be an option releasing our spirit to new heights.
• A long term project like learning calligraphy, sculpting, metalworking, massage or taking a class on any subject we’ve always wanted to learn. Learning is generally time-consuming, challenging, and rewarding, it will re-focus the mind giving us that sense of personal accomplishment that we all need.
• There are wonderful music and lyrics that sooth or help release our inner tension. It may be an interesting project to find new music that expresses what we are going thru. On the same vein, there is stunning visual art and literature that can evoke similar emotions helping us to unravel all that we are experiencing.
• Channel the negativity and create. Be it music, lyrics, poetry, short-stories, visual art etc, utilizing the darkness putting it to good work. Dare to feel and experience the powerful passion behind despair, heartbreak and loss; and convert it into magical creativity. We need to put aside any people-pleasing expectations, instead focus on the passionate release.
• On the opposite side of the spectrum, we need to find that place inside us that brings us happiness or, at the very least, peace, keeping our spirit and heart serene, so that we can think and act soundly. In moderation, Saint John’s Worth Tea can also help restore our spirits. Taking a vitamin B complex also helps process stress.
• We must find the courage and resolve within ourselves to embrace this challenge, knowing that it won’t be easy, but that we can emerge wiser and triumphant; readied to help those who go thru the same motions we ourselves underwent in those dark days.
• Ultimately we must keep in mind that we can walk away from all this, we can close the door on this Awakening thing, deny it; if not permanently, at least temporarily until we are in a better place spiritually and emotionally. Have no doubt, it will come back to haunt us and eventually we will have to deal with it, one way or another, but saying “Not now!” is an option.

It is not uncommon to experience a period of ultimate despair and desolation that is deeper and more substantial than depression, which has been coined a “Dark Night of the Soul”. It is said that all students of magic and mysticism go thru this at one point or another. This is usually a turning point for many of us, as we question ourselves, our nature, and our path pointedly; some decide its time to walk away, while others come to gain insight reaffirming the path of Awakening. The Dark Night of the Soul tears us apart leaving us empty and barren; in this way it brings stillness to our spirit, so that a profound spiritual transformation can occur. We must heed our inner voice and permit ourselves to be still, sometimes even seeking isolation, realizing that we cannot simply snap out of it, but must experience this tribulation to emerge renewed on the other side.


“My mood swings are driving my family crazy. Why am I crying one minute and raging mad the next?”

Emotional Surges – It is not uncommon to feel suddenly angry, sad or happy without much reason. As we go through The Awakening process we begin to consciously and/or subconsciously open and unblock our chakras, in this case, our heart chakra situated at the middle of the chest that processes feelings and emotional responses. These emotional surges indicate that we are clearing residual emotional debris from our past. This is a great way to let go of emotional baggage. We must resolve to let go of all these issues that have held us back. It’s not good to harbor pent-up emotions, instead we need to try and accept our feelings as they arise, and let them go. One of the most difficult emotional surges to deal with is rage as it generally takes a toll on those closer to us. Sadness can also lead to chronic depression or worse. We must give ourselves permission to experience and process these emotions when they surge, learning how to evoke them when we are better prepared to reckon with them and ultimately in control. While it’s good to vent, it’s not good to direct our emotional surges at anyone; instead we need to find constructive physical and creative outlets to express them, and let them flow out. We must be patient with ourselves while introspectively processing the experience and letting it pass. It is during times like these that we need to have someone to talk to. It is important to find not just a friend but a trusted senior member of the community to talk to; because of their experience they are better prepared to address our specific issues without being overly critical.


“I am buzzing with energy, particularly late at night; I just need to get up and go at the oddest times. What should I do?”

Energy surges and Adrenalin rushes – Very much like the emotional bursts, energy surges and adrenalin rushes may surprise us, choosing no appropriate time, propelling us into immediate action. They may arrive as sudden temperature changes, like a bolt of ice or a flash of heat, either centralized or dispersed thru the body that may come in a blast or in rolling waves. Adrenalin surges can be so dramatic as to turn us unto chatter boxes, dancing machines, even making us feel nauseous leaving us nursing a nasty headache. It may be a tingling or pinpricking of the legs or arms, or a huge feeling of restlessness, appeased only by physical, mental or creative activity. Sometimes these surges come from within, perhaps one of our chakra centers has spontaneously popped open and is creating havoc; sometimes however, the energy is arriving from an outside source - perhaps The Ancients felt it necessary to touch us in that way, calling us onto action; perhaps those that came before are reaching out to us, whispering in rushing waves. Energy feeders often experience this type of surging subsequently to feeding, or as an odd delayed reaction, almost as if the drawn energy was stored away and now has burst-out or is seeping through. It is important to learn to differentiate the different types of surges and how they empower us. The key is not to fight it, but instead, to be open to it, taking advantage of it, reveling in the sensory experience and the added boost. We can use these energy surges to exercise, finish those long ignored tasks, begin that project we never found the time or energy to do, or work with magic, energy manipulation, and developing our untapped psychic potential. We can also sooth these moments by drinking hot linden tea or a taking a warm soothing bath.


“Am I imagining this or am I draining battery power from my camera and from my laptop?”

Electronic malfunctions - increased localized power outages, flickering or blown-out light bulbs, frozen computer consoles, loss of internet connectivity, screeching or static-laden radio and phones, video games don’t work, watches and clocks stop or just keep the wrong time, headphones buzz or blow out, cell phones, MP3 players, laptops and cameras need constant battery recharges … or better yet; credit cards, id’s, or similar magnet strip cards all seem to demagnetize after a short while. Whether this has always happened, or if it just started to manifest or get worst, the first thing to do is to rule out any of the obvious reasons, like faulty equipment, electrical storm, damp conditions, moisture damage etc…. Once these have been ruled out, and still these electronic malfunctions continue to occur repeatedly, we should perhaps look at the possibility that we may be subconsciously draining electricity, batteries or even channeling our own energy through the equipment shunting it, resulting in the malfunction. We all generate and emit many different types of energy including biochemical and bio-magnetic energy. It is within us and it surrounds us at all times, spiking and waning depending on our emotional state, stress, and many other factors, like the lunch we’ve just eaten. The electrolytes, or mineral compositions, naturally stored in the body, are vital in maintaining heart rhythm, muscle contraction, and brain function. To this end it is important to frequently replenish the body with fluids and minerals like potassium, calcium, sodium, and magnesium, by drinking LOTS of water, energy drinks like Gatorade, and eating a balanced diet. Meditation and engaging in exercises that require applied focus of our personal energy also help. As the shunting episode is occurring, it is good to attempt to ground by touching a nearby faucet as it is the best electrical earth-ground (if possible barefoot). It is also good to alter and disperse our personal energy by loudly clapping, stomping, laughing, or stretching.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part II

Increased Sensitivities
Enhanced olfaction, gustation, and taction, improved auditory thresholds, photosensitivity, allergic reactions, food intolerances, food cravings, food aversions, insatiable hunger, lack of appetite and dizziness.


“Suddenly everything smells good! I can smell my lover approaching and even the blood in her veins. Is it my imagination?”

Enhanced olfaction, gustation, and taction – Most of us take their senses of smell, taste, and touch for granted until there is a noticeable change. The Awakening process can stir up sensory perception, enhancing it to both delightful and distracting ends. 90% of our taste perception is associated with the olfactory system, which in turn is very closely associated with spirituality and sexuality by similar brain pathways and localized cerebral organization, namely the amygdalae and the temporal lobes. Similarly, tactile sensations of the fingertips and hands are closely connected to sexuality. Some Nightkind experience augmented olfaction to the point they can smell blood types, hormonal changes, adrenaline rushes and even disease, which would otherwise not be noticeable. Serotonin and adrenalin fluctuations, hormonal and endocrine disturbances of the thyroid gland, and gonads are some of the causes for such augmented senses. Although it may seem pleasant and enjoyable to smell, taste and feel a wider range of stimulants, such hyper-sensitivities may provoke anxiety, depression, and even nutritional deficiencies. Such enhanced senses are akin to those of some animals and may arise together with predatory or even fight-or-flight instincts. It is important to understand that the endocrine system is closely tied to the chakras, and in turn, our spiritual Awakening. We should seek to enjoy these new experiences fearlessly, knowing that these hypersensitivities are only temporary mainstays that will eventually find a balanced norm, and should they remain a part of us, we should learn not only to enjoy but also employ our new gift. Many Nightkind will manifest permanent enhanced senses of one type or another; this can be a terrific asset.


“Everyday sounds that never bothered me before now echo in my head piercing my ears. I have to wear earplugs on my way to work. Should I get my hearing checked?”

Improved auditory thresholds – The Awakening can boost our auditory thresholds, meaning that not only can we hear better and pick up on a sound range we did not before, but it also implies that there has been a recharging of the nervous system stimulating the auditory organs, which affects more than meets the ear. The nerve which connects the ear to the brain also connects the ear to just about every organ in the body including the system that processes balance, coordination, movement, posture, and sensormotor integration. Sound has a profound effect on us; it can impact how energized we feel, how well we process and learn information, and how alert and organized we are. Through improved hearing, we develop an enhanced spatial awareness, rejuvenate of the cortex (the thinking and learning part of the brain), improve eye-hand coordination, and increase overall motor coordination and physical performance. The down side is that in its initial stages, sounds can become painfully amplified. Over time, after the initial over-sensitivity, there is a natural gradual broadening of the auditory thresholds. Much like other augmented senses, we should learn to enjoy and employ these new gifts, training ourselves to tune in and out and possibly even expand it. Meditation, particularly meditative methods that include sensory deprivation and stimulation, can help balance and expand hearing thresholds; and so can listening to soothing, healthy musical or nature sounds.


“I can’t seem to go out without sunglasses anymore, and my face becomes blotch red when I’m in the sun.”

Photosensitivity – Sensory stimulation can affect us in awkward ways, like by triggering an abnormal hypersensitivity to sunlight. This disturbance affects primarily the skin with the uncomfortable appearance of excessive sunburns in relation to solar exposure, reddened, blotchy skin that can also be covered with a painful rash. It can also affect the eyes, causing dryness, redness, and constant tearing leading to severe headaches, disorientation, anxiety and mood swings. Investing in a good pair of sunglasses is a must. Photosensitivity can be a latent condition that surfaces after and during The Awakening. Most Vamps claim some degree of this sensitivity, some since early childhood, most since the onset of their Awakening sometime during adolescence or early adulthood. Unfortunately this is generally a permanent condition, unless it was triggered by drug interaction, in which case it would last a few days and subside shortly after drug discontinuation. Medical intervention is always recommended if a severe reaction develops, so that the doctor can best diagnose the cause, degree of affectation, and treat the symptoms as necessary. It is a good idea to stay away from exposure to the sun and to use effective sunscreen creams with a minimum SPF 15 and a full spectrum UVA and UVB protection when exposure is unavoidable. Other all-year-round protection like wide-brimmed hats, long sleeves and gloves are also good protective measures. Photosensitivity is one of the many symptoms of Porphyry, a group of rare hereditary disorders caused by a metabolic disturbance that affects the red blood cells. Generally Porphyry is diagnosed in early childhood but in rare cases, it’s also possible that it remains a latent condition until some serious metabolic change, like The Awakening, triggers it to surface.


“Since my awakening I’ve become allergic to a bunch of foods, I get migraines and hives sometimes. I was never allergic to anything before. Isn’t this odd?”

Allergic reactions and food intolerances - As we become more spiritual, we also become more sensitive to everything around us. As our chakras open and clear, we begin purging toxins through bowel movements, kidneys, liver, lungs, the lymphatic system, saliva and through the skin by perspiration. Acne, bad breath, body odor, colds, congestion, constipation, cough, digestive problems, environmental sensitivity, fibroids, hives, joint pain, migraines, mucus, rashes, swelling of the tongue/lips/mouth, wheezing, and yeast infections are some outward manifestations of the internal struggle of our body trying to neutralize the harmful effects of an undesirable diet by purging what it perceives to be poison or toxicity. We have a great responsibility for our bodies; and like any machine it requires continuous maintenance in order to function at quality performance. As our sensitivity increases, our body will tell us what it can no longer tolerate. We, of course, need to listen to and honor our body, stop ingesting those items and exposing ourselves to those things that cause us distress. We may feel compelled to stop smoking, opting to drink alcoholic, caffeinated and carbonated beverages only as occasional indulgences. If our diet has changed with The Awakening process, i.e.: the intake of vital fluids; it is even more recommended to brush often and rinse the mouth with antibacterial mouthwash, or better yet cold-pressed virgin olive oil. Along the same lines, should we engage in energy exchange, communion or feeding, we may be picking-up allergic reactions or intolerances from our donor(s). Either way, a natural detoxification program is recommended to help cleanse and rejuvenate the digestive track, and balance hypersensitivities.


“Why am I having these cravings for weird uncooked food like raw eggs and raw meat?”

Unusual food cravings and aversions - cravings and odd food choices are common as we immerse ourselves in our Awakening. Some researchers think that cravings arise in an attempt to supply the body with nutrients it lacks, and essentially, cravings are the combined result of adrenal or hormonal fluxes combined with physiological needs. Exhaustion or sadness indicates low blood sugar and/or low serotonin, and so the body signals the brain that it craves something. Insulin is responsible for maintaining stable blood sugar levels by telling the body’s cells when to absorb glucose from the bloodstream, while hormonal imbalance and digestive problems can lead to a decrease in serotonin. The craving for sweets seems to correspond to intense energy vibrations in the body; high energy can trigger hypoglycemic reactions. Stress, insomnia or sleep deprivation, leads to exhaustion, adrenal fatigue or even adrenal exhaustion, which in turn signals the body it craves something. Similarly, with protein, vitamin B, and iron deficiencies, we may find ourselves craving eggs, meat, bone, marrow, and even blood. Confusion, dizziness, irritability, hysteria, and spontaneous hostility are some of the responses if the craving is unsatisfied. We really need to honor our bodies and not deny ourselves what our body tells us it needs. Temperance and moderation however are the best strategies for managing cravings.
As our sensitivities increase and we become more in-tune with our own inner demands, we may also develop not only cravings but strong aversions to certain foods. Usually, aversions are harmless; but if we have an aversion to a healthy food, we should try to find an equally healthy substitute or strengthen our diet with nutritional supplements. We must realize that it is our body’s way of changing into what our innate natural physiology is and needs.


“Recently I just want to eat everything in site. Everything looks smells and tastes delicious but it’s like it’s never enough. How can I control this hunger?”

Insatiable Hunger – The Awakening process can affect our appetite leaving many of us with an insatiable hunger. Some fight this hunger out of fear of overeating; this is as much a mistake as trying to eat what we think is correct rather than what our bodies are telling us to eat; not giving our body what it wants will only perpetuate the maddening hunger. Stress is the number one trigger; depression or feelings of emptiness may also increase the feeling of hunger, or the need to eat and vise-versa. Extreme hunger can be a physical manifestation of a deep psychological need for an unexplainable ‘something’ that nothing seems to satiate; so the hunger may in fact be a replacement for the actual need. During our Awakening we may have various unfulfilled needs like acceptance or substantiation that are not easily addressed. We may try to satisfy our Hunger for these needs, by eating.
Gastrointestinal pain, cramps, acid, nausea, and other similar distress are common both when the stomach is empty and when it’s full. Calcium and vitamin B will not only help stabilize emotions but also settle the stomach. Insatiable desire for high protein foods like fish, poultry, and red meat, is not uncommon during Awakenings. Drinking milk and eating fresh raw vegetables and crunchy fruits can be very soothing, eating a raw egg or a rare stake periodically may also help. Relaxation techniques, socialization, and physical exercise will also help fill the void and quell the hunger.


“I’ve been eating a lot less; in fact if I do force myself to eat I generally gag. I realize I need to eat, what should I do?”

Food Apathy - While some feel insatiably drawn to eat, others can become quite indifferent toward food; this generally indicates a blocked throat chakra that often creates a strangling feeling that discourages or prevents swallowing of anything other than fluids. Apathy toward food can be caused by the above mentioned gastrointestinal dysfunction or pain, as well as by distractions, a lack of personal routine, or possibly other nutritional/energetic supplements we are already taking into our body. Sanguine communion can severely affect any interest in food, and some Pranic feeders report being able to completely forgo regular food with no adverse effects. It’s a good idea to correlate our feeding/energy intake with our times of apathy toward food.
There are many herbal appetite stimulants that we may find advantageous like: dandelion, fennel, garlic, lavender, marjoram, onion, oregano, sweet-grass, turnip, and others.
We need to let go of what restricts us emotionally, spiritually and physically. Taking care of our body is vital; it is not just a shell, it is the sole conduit, receptor and transmitter of all that we are. We must honor our physical bodies, respecting and being kind to ourselves.


“I have been feeling dizzy when I get up from a sitting or lying-down position and yesterday I nearly passed-out. How can I shake this off?”

Dizziness – Some of us may be periodically affected with lightheadedness, faint or near faint, loss of balance, or vertigo (the perception of moving or spinning surroundings). Dizziness indicates that the brain isn’t receiving enough blood possibly due to a sudden blood pressure drop, a sudden change in elevation shifting blood away from the brain, or due to dehydration. Dizziness and disorientation often precede epiphanies or waves of Awakening; as energy surges up the spine from the root chakra making its way out through the crown. If we are not yet ready for this level of experience we may feel faint or black-out.
It is important to crosscheck our dizzy spells with any energy exchanges, communion or feeding as this may also cause Dizziness. Grounding and the impending resolution of burdening emotional issues are two other factors may contribute to dizzy spells. When our body or our life is not grounded, we feel off balance, and subconsciously need to adjust, which often causes a vertigo-like feeling. We must heed our body. Perhaps we need to slow down, step back and observe a particular facet of our life, repair or balance something. Perhaps we need to stop worrying about the past and about the future, remaining solid in the present. Perhaps we just need a good protein-rich meal, a fluids intake increase or just more physical activity. Perhaps we need to re-connect with mother-earth by going out into the woods or the beach, lying down on the grass, arms wide palms down soaking up earth energy; or at the very least walk barefoot on the sand or soil. It may also help to stay away from electronic devices like PCs and TVs. When meditating we may want to surround ourselves with protective, soothing energy to ease feeling shaky and off balance.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part III

Physical and Metabolic Changes

Change in sleep habits, heart palpitations, cutaneous eruptions, porphyry, activity on the head or scalp, body morphism, jaw tension and gnashing the teeth, temperature and blood pressure changes, metabolic fluctuations, changes in weight, libido, predatory instincts, faster healing, faster skin, hair and nail growth, improved vision, pigment changes, and overall looking younger.


“I’ve never had a problem sleeping until my awakening. Lately I can’t seem to settle down at night.”

Change in sleep habits – For some of us our recuperative sleep requirements change upon Awakening and may include: needing substantially less sleep, an inversion of sleep cycles, insomnia, talking in our sleep, somnambulism, periods of restlessness, waking up several times during the night, fatigue despite having slept, and being sleepy throughout the day. Insufficient and inadequate sleep may cause chronic fatigue and reduce the ability to focus, and is often caused by the before mentioned energy surges, stress or excitement. If sleep is out of the question, instead of worrying about going back to sleep, we can choose to meditate, paint, read, write poetry, or get out and enjoy the night. It is important to consider if, we are too hungry to sleep, or conversely, if a heavy meal too close to bed time may be preventing a good night sleep. Along those same lines, our body may be telling us that we have either ingested something (i.e.: caffeine, nicotine, alcohol or chocolate) it does not like, or something it needs to burn off, it is a good idea to crosscheck eating (and feeding) habits with our sleep patterns. To this end it may help to keep a sleep journal to record and better monitor daily changes. Napping during the day may aggravate the situation, while putting off our bedtime to a later hour may actually help us get a better night’s sleep. Somnambulism, or sleepwalking, is not necessarily dangerous if the walker is in a safe room free of obstacles, away from stairs, and ultimately unable to leave the home. This type of sleep behavior is usually aphasic, temporary, or triggered by a certain element. While deep sleep can be healing and restorative, the excessive need to sleep is generally a by product of stress or depression; The Awakening can bring on many reasons for this, so we must take a deep introspective look, find a trusted friend to vent and find things to smile about. Medical intervention is only recommended in the most extreme cases, as the prescribed medicaments are generally counter productive to our journey. Something helpful is walking in water for a few minutes, thus releasing some pent-up energy and trying to sleep again. But again, the key is to honor our body by accepting the changes and getting accustomed to our new, albeit unusual, sleep patterns.


“For no apparent reason my heart races like I’ve just returned from a marathon. Is it fear, or am I delving in certain subjects too deep too soon?”

Heart Palpitations – The normal heart beats 60 times per minute. Irregular, fluttering, racing, or forceful heart beats, commonly referred to as palpitations; usually accompany an emotional release causing the heart to readjust and balance and the heart chakra to open. Lasting only a few moments, palpitations can certainly be alarming. Such episodes may occur without any further symptoms, or they may be accompanied by hot flashes or temperature changes, dizziness, shortness of breath, blood pressure surges and even panic attacks. Such palpitations are generally caused by adrenaline rushes and heart-generated energetic surges. Some individuals experience palpitations as a warning, or indication of something, our body’s way of telling us something; for that reason we may want to keep a record of our heartbeat irregularities and try to correlate them with what is going on at that time. Heart rate irregularities are common before during and immediately after feeding, astral work and energy exchanges, but heart rate should return to normal subsequently after. To manage frequent palpitations we should try to reduce stress and anxiety by means of meditation and exercise. We should also sustain adequate hydration, supplement our diet with Magnesium and vitamin B complex, and eliminate cigarette, caffeine, alcohol intake, as well as any other drugs and meds. Prolonged or numerous recurrent palpitation episodes however, require medical monitoring.


“I seem to break out in frequent heat rashes, and if that is not enough I seem to have some kind of itchy pimples on my face and back. I thought only kids and teenagers got those.”

Cutaneous eruptions – Many skin irritations are short-lived and relatively minor; some manifest as itching, tingling, burning, pain, swelling, discoloration, rashes, bumps, acne, and hives. Bacteria, viruses, parasites, or systemic autoimmune illnesses are common causes of skin rashes. They can also indicate serious diseases like lyme disease and meningitis. It is important to rule out these more serious illnesses by consulting a medical doctor especially if eruptions are persistent and accompanied by achy joints, fever, infection, or swollen lymph nodes. Skin eruptions are one of the most common symptoms during periods of Awakening. The primary factors associated with rashes are emotional stress, food sensitivities, hormonal changes, and expelling toxins through the skin. As we come into being, we begin to release repressed issues and begin to bring emotions to the surface working through them; similarly the skin may also express our issues in a physical manifestation, i.e.: repressed anger as outbreaks around the mouth area. As our sensitivities increase, is it important to pay attention to (or even get tested for) immediate and delayed allergens, particularly foods. We may suddenly find ourselves allergic to foods that we have eaten all our lives, abstaining from these allergens is the key, as well as minimizing exposure to other potential irritants, like detergents and household cleaning products. Adequate hydration and a good humidifier, or dehumidifier depending on the climate, are perfect during chemical, hormonal, and metabolic changes which affect our PH balance, sweat production and subsequent skin quality. For many of us, The Awakening is a time of purging negativity from our lives, the skin being our largest organ, behaves in the same fashion by excreting toxins out of the body which sometimes causes excessive perspiration, peculiar body odor and skin eruptions. It is recommended that we use a mild soap, or just purified water, never scratch or scrub the skin, dry gently by patting, and maintain skin well-moisturized throughout the day. Vitamin E, vitamin B complex and Omega 3 oils are very helpful to sooth and neutralize skin eruptions.


“What’s wrong with me, I can’t go out in the sunlight anymore?”

Porphyry - Is a group of rare hereditary disorders caused by a metabolic disturbance that affects the red blood cells. Generally Porphyry is diagnosed in early childhood but in rare cases, it’s also possible that it remains a latent condition logged in the liver or in the bone marrow until some serious metabolic change, like The Awakening, triggers it to surface. Some of the symptoms of this rare disorder are photosensitivity, abdominal pain, severe rashes, blisters, disorientation, neural inflammation, and serious psychological disorders. Anyone suspecting to have early signs of this serious condition is encouraged to seek immediate medical intervention. Because Porphyry is hereditary and strongly associated with Vamps and Therians, it may be an interesting endeavor to trace back our ancestral legacy.


“I’ve been feeling feel this weird blooming heat sensation on my scalp particularly after meditation or energy work. Should I be worried?”

Activity on the head or scalp – It is not uncommon to feel a crawling, itching or tingling sensation along the scalp and down the spine; originating or ending at the top of the head, permeating the nervous system to the toes and finger tips. This may also be perceived as pressure on the scalp, as if a finger is being pushed into the center of the head, or by the body becoming covered with goose bumps traveling upward causing the hair to stand on end. Such sensations may manifest even more strongly like energy pouring in through the head like a shower, or like energy pushing out thru the top of the head like a geyser, or pulsating eruption. Although unsettling, such experiences indicate the crown chakra is opening, and that there is activity throughout the whole nervous system, the brain, pineal gland and the hypothalamus resulting in the release of ‘feel good’ endorphins into the body. Opening the crown chakra activates our sense of universal and spiritual unity. Medical attention is generally not needed unless there is an allergic reaction, severe skin eruption or leaking of the scalp. Of soothing assistance during times of activity may be the energy generated by a single or double ended quartz crystal, a diamond (or even a Herkimer diamond). Meditation too is recommended to assist in this process; dedicating focused attention to the crown area, breathing into it, and repeatedly visualizing opening the crown chakra while consciously perceiving a warm energetic flow thru it. Once the crown chakra has been activated and opened on a psychic level, we may begin to experience enhanced intuitive and spiritual awarenesses.


“I just found out that I was born with a tail, I’ve been considering the possibility of being a ‘were’. Is this the physical proof I’ve been looking for?”

Body Morphism – Of particular interest for Therian and Otherkin individuals is the seldom discussed incidences of dwarfism, giganticism, skin, cartilage, dental, bone, and muscular deformations. Such are extreme but very valid manifestations of The Awakening.
Skin morphisms like the growth of ‘cornus cutaneous’ or flesh horns, swellings of the nasal region, and small excrescences in the form of persistent hair, bristles or prickles may develop during childhood or adulthood, and are often linked to severe Awakening episodes and often to poignant Otherkin or animal past-life recollections.
Cartilaginous deformations primarily affect the knees, hands, and feet. In this case, the joints of the fingers or toes progressively morph to almost construct the appearance of animal-like paws. The eye is likewise made of cartilage and it too may be affected in effectiveness, sensitivity, shape, size, and color. Some notice this more so during times of stress, rage or frenzy.
The dental morphisms most common are the sharpened elongation of the incisor and canine teeth and the development of serrated teeth with edges like steak knives. These dental deformities usually onset during early childhood, with the in-growth of adult teeth, but can also develop later in life triggered by The Awakening. In some rare cases, teeth become longer and sharper during times of rage or frenzy. In some rarer cases teeth can fail to grow, or fall out and a third new set of teeth come in.
Painful osseous-deformation like spurs on the feet, wing-like shoulder blade protrusions and spinal extensions like tails are not that uncommon. Even though bones stop growing in length in early adulthood, they can continue to increase (minimally) in thickness or diameter throughout life in response to stress from increased muscle activity, and quite possibly from the realizations of The Awakening. Medical diagnosis is recommended to rule out the possibility of any serious disease. There are some rare illnesses like Paget’s Syndrome which manifest a progressive painful thickening of the bones.
Muscle spasms, swelling, and abrupt involuntary movements can truly be overwhelming experiences. Such episodes may revolve around seasonal, lunar or menstrual cycles. Some may even find that their flexibility and dexterity is greatly enhanced. Muscular morphism is generally temporary, albeit often recurring, while skin and bone morphisms are of a more permanent nature. If the spasms are persistent lasting longer than a few minutes, or the episodes very frequent, it is advisable to consult a doctor to obtain an exact diagnosis and some much needed intervention. Many Therians and Otherkin alike suffer or have suffered from an illness called St.Vito’s Dance that is marked by such muscular contractions and impaired coordination.
Dwarfism and giganticism are like many morphisms, pre-determined by our DNA and may be traced back in our lineage, although there are some rare instances where there are no traceable ancestors carrying the gene. Genealogy is always an interesting study to better discover our ancestral roots and possible nature’s legacy.

While these morphisms can occur singularly and/or progressively develop slowly over months or even years, it is possible that these extreme symptoms occur unexpectedly and simultaneously upon the individual, where even long forgotten childhood conditions may come to reappear, further pushing forth The Awakening process and the realization of our inner nature. Although we may choose to embrace our more permanent morphisms, they generally become difficult and sometimes painful burdens that are seldom socially acceptable. Flesh horns, tails and spurs today are easily removed by same day surgical procedures with a rapid recovery. It is also important to look at our infancy record, and learn about any physical abnormalities that might have been corrected unbeknown to us; such clues are important if we are trying to connect with and understand our true nature. Ultimately, our path is to discover and better understand who and what we are, accept it, embrace it, and ultimately wield our gifts, by our will and in control, to improve our life, or at least make it more interesting.


“My wife tells me I grind my teeth in my sleep and keep her awake. I already had a dental check-up and I’m fine. Why do I keep doing this? And how do I stop it?”

Jaw tension and gnashing the teeth – A symptom shared by many Therian, Otherkin and Vamps alike is nocturnal bruxism - grinding of the teeth during the night. It should not be discounted as it can have far-reaching implications, like loosening of the teeth, permanent dental loss and it can also cause ‘temporomandibular joint disease’ (TMJ), when the muscles, joints and ligaments of the jaw move out of alignment. We must listen to our body. Sometimes, bringing a subconscious behavior like this, into the conscious light will cascade a sense of awareness and eventually discourage said behavior. Gnashing teeth may be an indication that there is a subconscious desire to chew, gnaw, or more forcefully apply the teeth; we must honor this desire consciously by occasionally chewing gum, gnawing on more fibrous foods like meats and bone, or getting a fun toy to chew on. Suppressed anger, hunger, and sexual desire too, can lead to nocturnal bruxism, we should not keep our anger and frustrations bottled up inside. This subconscious behavior can be an indication that we need to express our feelings in a physical sense; we may want to try invigorating physical exercise like running, cycling, or making good use of a punching bag. Cutting out smoking and alcohol, while reducing the consumption of caffeine-rich beverages, is highly recommended. Talking to a dentist may help; he can help by determining the need of a mouth-guard or reshaping teeth to eliminate unusual tooth alignment. A note worth repeating particularly if our diet has changed with The Awakening process, i.e.: the intake of vital fluids; it is even more recommended to brush often and rinse the mouth with antibacterial mouthwash, or better yet cold-pressed virgin olive oil.


“Since the first days of my Awakening my hands and feet are always cold and to make things worse, I’ve had what seems to be hot flashes. I’m in my early thirties; it can’t be menopause, can it?”

Temperature and Blood Pressure changes – The hypothalamus is the cerebral gland responsible for controlling appetite, sleep, libido, and body temperature. During The Awakening process our adrenal system is jolted and the hypothalamus needs to adjust to our new way of being.
We can develop a lower than normal body temperature on a temporary or consistent basis; often accompanied by cold hands and feet, cold sweats and even hot flashes. Lower than normal body temperature and blood pressure are common among Nightkind; if there are no other symptoms, like dizziness or infection, there is no reason to worry, we should generally be aware of our average low and gage ourselves that way. Conversely, unusually high blood pressure can be dangerous and should be monitored by a doctor. Generally, low blood pressure is considered to be a sign of good cardiovascular health because there is less stress on the heart and blood vessels.
Sudden drops of blood pressure are uncommon but possible, particularly during and after astral or etheric practices, during impending bad weather, or when the barometric pressure drops suddenly; our body has become more sensitive to our environment and is inevitably affected by its changes. A sweet or salty edible takes the edge off, while a lavender bath is a terrific way to hydrate, gently lifting blood pressure.
Many of us, particularly women, have cold hands and feet that even change color, from pink through purple, blue and even to white sometimes accompanied with a tingling, buzzing or slight numbness.
Cold sweats although wretched, are aphasic. While they are generally connected to solar exposure, excessive cold perspiration occurring especially at night for seemingly no apparent reason is often associated with personal epiphanies or cathartic events.
Hot flashes too can be scary; they are an intense, hot feeling on the face and upper body, sometimes accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, anxiety, dizziness, perspiration, tingling, suffocation and an over all weakness.
Cold extremities, cold sweats and hot flashes are temporary and generally revolve around seasonal, lunar or menstrual cycles and will generally go away completely when the hypothalamus finds its center. For the time being, wearing clothing in layers is helpful, gloves and scarves can be stylish all year round for both men and women. Aerobic exercise and relaxation techniques, like biofeedback, are recommended to ease symptoms and increase circulation. So is cutting out nicotine and caffeine … and adopting a high protein diet that includes cayenne pepper and ginkgo, which dilate capillaries and improve overall circulation.


“Maybe it’s stress. I’m sleeping much less, I’ve lost weight and although I don’t feel sick, I feel lost and depleted.”

Metabolic fluctuations – determined by gender, age, muscle mass vs. body fat, and regular exercise, proper metabolism helps maintain energy, strength, ideal weight, and it influences emotional state. Metabolic rate is predisposed by the activity of the thyroid gland located in the base of the throat. The adrenal system is often jolted by The Awakening process causing the thyroid gland to be either overactive or under-active as it struggles to find a new balance. The thyroid affects the proper metabolic activities of every cell in the human body, thyroid balance is essential for optimal health. Typically, male's metabolic rates are higher than females. As we experience these fluctuations, it is important to identify them so that we can strive to balance from within with meditation, diet and exercise. An under-active thyroid will exhibit slow metabolism, including low body temperature, hypersensitivity to cold or unusual perspiration, increased fatigue, muscle weakness, constipation, weight gain, sadness, mental lethargy, heavy head, dry skin, and energy depletion. An overactive thyroid will exhibit an increase in metabolic rate, including nervousness, anxiety, irritability, increased perspiration, intolerance to heat, difficulty sleeping, a fast heartbeat, unexplained weight loss, irregular menstrual cycles, fatigue and muscle weakness.
We want our metabolism to be in "balance" with our physical body for ideal health. It is the fifth chakra located in the throat that governs the thyroid gland, lungs, vocal cords, bronchial apparatus, and metabolism. Here we experience the world through vibration, such as the vibration of sound representing language, communication, and expression of thoughts, feelings, judgment and truth. Doing focused meditation to open and liberate the energy flow of the throat chakra is recommended to achieve proper metabolic balance. If conditions persist over a prolonged period of time, medical intervention is recommended; a simple blood test helps identify and address the problem. Thankfully for many of us metabolic fluctuations are now properly diagnosed and no longer confused with psychological trouble.


“Right after my awakening I gained a lot of weight, now I’m losing it. I don’t really know why if my diet is the same.”

Weight Changes – We must realize that the body is not merely a shell for our more ephemeral sides; it is an energy conduit, both a receiver and transmitter in a constant vital connection with our emotional, mental and spiritual selves. There is a huge interrelationship that needs to be acknowledged now if not ever before. Without physical well being our path to Awakening and self-realization stops. As we open our spiritual eyes and allow many suppressed fears to surface and become healed we often gain or lose weight. It is a natural reaction of the physical body to ground by providing bulk building up a defense against increasing frequencies. Adding on bulk is also a product of any voracious eating stages caused by feelings of insatiable hunger. In some cases, the newly awakened will experience sudden weight loss instead, as the body begins to purge internal burdens and when the energy is strongest in the stomach chakra and abdominal area, often causing nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, which in turn result in weight loss. Weight changes are a normal symptom of initiating the path. Normal weight will be released / gained when all internal burdens, fears and turmoil have been integrated, processed and a new balance is reached. As the colon cleanses itself, bowel movements become more regular, and our metabolism becomes more efficient, our body will revert to its natural weight, often a better more effective weight for our body type that reflects our inner-nature.
It is important that we strive to achieve a physical well being by regular exercise and proper nourishment, listening to our body and adjusting our diet where the intake of junk food is completely avoided, or at least minimized, and where we have a wholesome balanced diet, so that we can feel healthy and energetic. Also recommended is a systematic detoxification that is a natural cleansing of the digestive track by fasting and/or ingesting diuretic or detoxifying teas and other natural agents. We may also like to make eating a more spiritual experience, where it becomes very much like a ritual. Preparing the space aesthetically, lighting candles, playing soothing music, presenting the food attractively and even blessing it. Slowing down the eating process is important; enjoying its scent, slowly taking it into the mouth, and chewing it thoroughly before swallowing it. Make it an enjoyable meditative sensory experience.


“I’m having very unusual sexual fantasies and what my boyfriend calls a ‘voracious appetite’. I didn’t think The Awakening was a sexual thing.”

Libido – As we awaken there is a gradual lifting of primal repressions and a fuller embrace of our innate instinctual responses, this is a natural part of becoming whole. It is important to avoid awkward perceptions of sexuality, where sexual desire is perceived to be in direct opposition to spirituality; on the contrary, sexuality should be perceived as and extension of our spiritual selves. Along with hormonal fluctuations inherently caused by The Awakening process, the opening and clearing of the second chakra may elicit intense sexual desires, hyper-sensitivity and even extreme sexual reactions to unusual stimuli. As our sensitivities bloom and our sensory experiences deepen so does our enjoyment of physical intimacy. Inappropriate, violent and illegal sexual desires are usually a manifestation of either unconscious anger or repressed urges being brought up to be resolved and released - not necessarily acted upon. This intense arousal of the second chakra will in time balance out allowing for a greater appreciation of sexual instinct, sexual energy and life itself.
If there is a sustained lack of sexual desire or even an aversion to sex, it indicates that there are still suppressed issues presented as chakra blockages, which need to be recognized, addressed and cleared. Keep in mind that that our emotions play a tremendous role in libido where we notice decreased sex drive when our lives are stressful, anxious or demoralized. Alcohol, narcotics and medications, like antihistamines, antidepressants and many blood pressure pills lead to decreased libido, desensitization and diminished orgasms.
Awakened individuals radiate a very strong charismatic energy that the unawakened may perceive as sexual desire, finding themselves inexplicably sexually drawn to us. This may be a product of what is called ‘The Thrall’ where individuals become obsessively drawn to an awakened individual. It is best to avoid sexual intimacy with such smitten people, because they will assume that it means their love is requited and there is a possibility of a long-term or permanent relationship. We must be compassionate and avoid taking sexual advantage of their vulnerability. Eventually their attraction will pass, and a warm mutual respect and friendship will remain. Particularly of note for Vamps, we have the inherent talent of making strong lasting bonds that persist despite our will and physical separation; our intrinsic allure can be deeper than what we often give ourselves credit, so we must beware of the choices we make, particularly when it comes to intimacy.


“Suddenly, what I want and I need inspire me to do whatever it takes to get what I want…now!”

Predatory Instincts – Like the noble predator, Nightkind carry themselves with confidence and
elegance, perhaps even an air of regal arrogance. But unlike the predatory animal we need to understand the requirements of civilization, the propriety of demeanor and the principles of honor. Very much like with Libido, our predatory instincts surface as the Awakening encourages a lifting of primal repressions and a fuller embrace of our innate instinctual responses. In this sense, predation does not have to be physical; instead it can be much more subtle. Such instincts can manifest as simply a desire to be more independent, protective or territorial, or as a new wave of confidence, determination and strength of will. Some Nightkind, particularly Otherkin and Vamps also manifest what may be akin to a desire to hunt, an internal hunger for the thrill of the chase that can only be equated with the animalistic predator instincts.
For the newly awakened predatory drives can seem unmanageable; yet with resolve, these urges can be controlled. Many Nightkind rely on their predatory instincts for survival, so control is paramount. Awakened Nightkind often radiate a very strong predatory energy that is often equated with ‘Danger’; this can be both an asset and a detriment; the key lies in control - knowing when tone it down and when to manifest it.
Heightened levels of Predatory desire can be the culmination of a resilient insatiable hunger and be accompanied by heightened sensitivities, particularly the senses of smell, hearing, taste and sight, as well as heightened sexual desire. Although these instincts can be most prominent during times of altered consciousness, and deep emotional release, these urges can also be aphasic, seasonal and triggered by lunar phases. Most Nightkind however retain a permanent Predatory Nature that can be heightened simply by the sight, sound or thought of ‘prey’, whatever that may be. This Predatory Nature makes Nightkind intrinsically more apt to be ambitious go-getters, cunning in their ways and ultimately getting what they want, or at least giving it a damned good try.


“I get colds very frequently all year long; I haven’t had a cold yet since my awakening. Is this part of the process?”

Healing and Recovery – As we immerse ourselves in The Awakening process, it is only natural that our healing and recovery rate dramatically improves. Becoming part of a lifestyle that takes into consideration our body and spirit, we improve our overall physical condition, keeping mainstream afflictions at bay and recovering from unavoidable maladies quicker than before. Since we are becoming increasingly better aware of our physical body and its interconnection with its energy centers, as well as its integration with our spiritual selves, we initiate a special relationship with our body listening and heading its needs and desires. Energy exchange, communion or feeding can also play a part on improved healing and recovery, as it can rejuvenate cellular development and replenish personal energy.
Healing is the result of naturally occurring proteins, amino acids and endorphins in the body that help cellular communication; by listening to our body we encourage this vital communication which enables the synchronization of electro-magnetic imbalances. It is this balancing communication, happening both on a conscious and on a subconscious level, particularly during periods of deep relaxation and sleep, which becomes the essential catalyst to promote health, to accelerate healing, recovery, tissue regeneration, and significantly reduce scarring.
The fourth chakra is associated with the thymus gland, located in the chest; which produces the white blood cells that bring equilibrium and synchronicity to the body preventing illnesses and combating disease. Meditation techniques that involve visualization, affirmations, cleansing, and intuitive healing, harness our inner power to restore our health and well being. Keep in mind that positive thinking expedites any recovery; if we visualize ourselves healthy, strong, and confident, healing will happen. But we cannot think for a minute we have become impervious to disease. Our physical body is still human and although our new holistic mindset and lifestyle helps us recover quickly and avoid mainstream maladies, we are not impervious to STDs, HIV, Hepatitis, Herpes, broken bones, or any other disease. Precautions should always be taken, protection is imperative, and fluid exchanges should never be casual.


“It seems to me that my hair and nails have never grown so fast before.”

Faster skin, hair and nail growth – Very much like healing and recovery, as we begin to listen and head the needs of our body and its interconnections with its energy centers we embark on a healthier lifestyle that promotes detoxification and improved circulation resulting in healthier, faster growing skin, hair and nails. This can also be a pleasant side effect of energy exchange as it can replenish and rejuvenate cellular development.
Skin becomes clearer and more radiant, hair is thicker and more lustrous, and fingernails nails are stronger and grow faster. Many Nightkind make the best of this happenstance by maintaining and spotlighting their assets by allowing their hair and nails to grow and stay longer and preserving their new found skin with natural emollients. Excessive body-hair growth is also possible in both men and women of any age; this is caused by glandular and hormonal fluxes, which may also serve to substantiate our inner-nature.
The skin is one of the largest excretory organs releasing toxins from the body by excreting toxins in the form of keratin (a product high in organic sulfur) yielding beautiful hair and nails. Optimal excretory function of the skin is akin to that of the liver and the kidneys and relies on the health and proper activity of the second chakra, which is associated with the excretory functions of the liver, kidney, gall bladder, pancreas and the apocrine & eccrine glands of the skin. As our metabolism reaches its balance and as we purge emotional issues releasing old emotional baggage from our past, we facilitate our internal detoxification processes and the improved activity of the excretory organs. Although healthier skin hair and nails generally comes naturally with little or no effort on our part, as they are a byproduct of The Awakening, healthy skin hair and nails can also be obtained through conscious resolve, dedicated efforts toward improved nutrition, grooming, and meditative practices that promote active resolutions of burgeoning issues.


“I think my vision has improved since my awakening, I see things clearer, crisper and I think I can even see better at night.”

Improved Vision – The eye is one of those seemingly unrelated body parts that can be affected by Awakening to our inner nature. The eye is a cartilaginous organ, hormonal fluxes can cause fluid increase and retention in the eye itself, which can change the shape of the cornea in an unexpected way - not only can our vision seem sharper but we can also develop night vision to some degree. Generally gaining and retaining substantial night vision can be a by-product and/or manifestation of our inner-nature. Sometimes these improvements are only temporary or aphasic, giving us a glimpse of the probable and the possible. With improved vision, photosensitivity may also set in. The eye is a precious organ that should not be taken for granted; we should never rely on cheap sunglasses which can distort and even permanently damage our eyesight, instead we aught to invest on a better pair of shades to protect our new and improved eyes, even at night if we are going to be facing bright lights. Eye-shadow and black eyeliner are not only a handsome way to enhance and display the eye, but since ancient times charcoal was used as protection from the damaging solar rays; some of us never leave home without it. Meditation, particularly meditative methods that include sensory deprivation and stimulation, can help balance and expand our eyesight. Contrary to the above, we can also experience blurred, dimmed or double vision episodes, particularly after deep meditation or energy transference, if such persists for over a couple of hours it is recommended to seek medical attention.


“My skin has become much paler, and my gray hair is really coming in now. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not.”

Pigment Change – Melanin is the naturally occurring pigment that brings color to the skin, hair and eyes. The metabolic and hormonal changes during The Awakening can affect the rate of melanin distribution the body, affecting the color of our skin, hair and eyes. These very noticeable changes can provide us with valuable hints and substantiation of our innate origins.
Perhaps we’ve healthily decided to stay away from sun exposure and protect our skin better than before, or perhaps something else is happening. Change in pallor can be associated with illness and malnutrition, but once these two are excluded, pale clear skin is actually quite healthy. Conversely, hyperpigmentation or darkening, often related with premature aging, is generally caused by hormonal changes affecting melanin delivery, folic acid deficiency, or overexposure to the sun. Hyperpigmentation that includes a darkening of pre-existing freckles, a new confetti-like appearance, or dark patches on face and body, is generally aphasic and temporary.
The loss of pigment in certain areas of the skin causing virtually white spots is rare but has been associated with some cathartic experiences like The Awakening. These spots can slowly spread, increasing in size. If there is any hair growth in that area it too will be affected and turn grey. This may be a temporary effect, diminishing after a few months. A doctor too may help by attempting to correct the pigmentation of the discolored areas.
Graying of the hair is generally a hereditary trait, but it can also be triggered by a sudden hormonal or metabolic change that has stopped pigment infusion to the hair follicles. While we can choose to proudly bare our gray streaks, many choose to die them in our favorite tones with either chemical or natural agents like Henna. Many believe that premature graying is a process reversible through dedicated meditation and active communication with our follicles.
The eye pigment too may be affected. Being a cartilaginous organ, subject to the hormonal fluxes of The Awakening the eye is exposed to fluid increases and retention which can either propel an increase or decrease (lightening or darkening) of melanin pigmentation to the iris, causing eye color to change. Such changes can be subtle or pointed alterations, particularly noticeable at times of high emotional stimuli like elation, rage or frenzy.


“I feel great! I look at my younger sister and even I can’t help notice that I look, feel, and act younger than her, and I intend to stay this way.”

Looking and Feeling Younger - Throughout our life many of us lived in denial, hiding our duality, nature or instincts. The Awakening, if nothing else, tells us that it’s OK to be a full person, cherishing and embracing that less accepted side of ourselves. A side that is perhaps younger, more reckless and certainly freer. In itself this simple permission, to be what we are, is liberating, offering us an undeniable feeling of new beginnings and youth rekindled. As we further embark in our path of growth and self discovery we may find ourselves busy with new life affirming classes in yoga, massage, tai chi, or reiki. As we clear emotional issues and release limiting beliefs and heavy baggage from the past, we are actually lighter, and our frequency becomes higher. Our Awakening may be challenging, but as our metabolic and hormonal changes finally find its center our body gets healthier, more energetic, adventurous even, our mind becomes sharper, our eyes are brighter and our skin is less lined seeming more radiant and younger. We begin to realize that we appreciate ourselves and life a bit more, as we begin to truly resemble the perfect whole person that we really are. As we strengthen our immune system and release the spiritual tethers that were restrictive and binding we initiate an over all tissue regeneration. We feel more physically fit with increased energy, demonstrate improved mental alertness, better coordinated neural responses and develop a healthier skin complexion that is smoother where wrinkles fade allowing us to feel younger than we have in years. Looking and feeling younger can also be a pleasant side effect of active energy exchange, communion or feeding. Whether we are donors or feeders, periodic energy exchange in small degrees can rejuvenate cellular development as well as replenish personal energy resources. We should start and end the day with tall glass of water and drink plenty of water throughout the day to stimulate the excretory functions of our liver and kidney; water intake is very important to retain our youthful appearance. Oh yes, and No Smoking!

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part IV

Intuitive Awakening

Increased Intuition, Innate Awareness, Sensing the Beacon, Animal Kinships, Surfacing Memories, Essence by Proxy, Dreaming and Lucid Dreaming


“My gut feeling has been so right-on lately; I will never doubt it again.”

Increased Intuition - Intuition is our ability to connect with our subconscious higher-self. As we awaken, we become more sensitive to our inner-voice, which we often refer to as our sixth sense. When our crown chakra has been opened and activated, we begin to experience enhanced intuitive and spiritual awarenesses. We may experience more synchronicities in our day-to-day, have sudden insights, recognize repetitive patterns in our life, or see events from the past under a different clearer light. Extra sensory perception (ESP) like clairvoyance (seeing the future), auspex (seeing the past), clairaudience (hearing voices and sounds from the future), and precognition (knowing what will happen before it does) are different ways in which our intuition may manifest itself. Sometimes, we may experience an intensified sensitivity or awareness of others' essence, this is an invaluable tool when determining an individual’s intentions and nature or when evaluating a delicate situation, allowing us to make better judgment calls. Sometimes we may experience a special voice or sensation when danger is near, when we know something is true, when there is magic afoot, or when we are headed in the right path; this guidance system helps us feel more grounded, balanced and in control of our own destiny. These subconscious experiences can come to us on an emotional, spiritual, mental, or physical level. They can be emotional rushes, instinctual reactions, gut-feelings, distinct or shrouded voices, visions, dreams, fleeting or persistent thoughts, odd senses of deja-vu, chills, sudden headaches, muscle spasms, or even altered states of consciousness, just to name a few. The key is to learn to recognize the experience and its patterns. The more attention we give our intuitive urges, the keener they will become and the better they will work for us. There are no coincidences, just undeniable serendipity.


“I know who and what I am now. I wish I could prove it to you. Won’t you believe me?”

Innate Awareness – This instinctual knowledge can be innate demonstrating itself during early childhood, develop over the years, be delivered onto us in dreams, or be a spontaneous awareness that results from a deep energy exchange or from a cathartic event like The Awakening. As our crown chakra opens be become more receptive to intuitive psychic awarenesses. Our self-awareness becomes irrefutable and often bound to us on a profound emotional level. Perhaps we are big skeptics of even our own gut-feelings, but these are more than ideas or guesses, they often are deep-rooted convictions. Such intrinsic understanding of who and what we are, can sometimes be based on our reality, but it generally comes to us without any physical basis at all. Such self-awarenesses may include past-lives, ancestral legacy, hegemony, racial origin, personal destiny, life-path, inner-nature, and identity. It may apply just to us on a very personal level or extend to include our friends, family and even those individuals that we share little affection with. It is not difficult to phantom that these deep convictions can affect overall life perspectives, social outlook and interaction as well as demeanor, personality, and interpersonal behavior. Such provocative thoughts can be very disturbing, compelling us near obsession. It is possible to spend the rest of our lives contemplating or testing our instincts and its possibilities, trying to substantiate it with history books or on the Internet, but we should not allow our innate awarenesses to interfere with our mainstream responsibilities. We must also beware who we share our new self-awarenesses with, as we can be ridiculed, discredited, considered delirious or worse, as these assurances are usually unreasonable to most and psychologically inexplicable. But it is always good to have someone to talk to. The Nightkind community boasts many individuals that are recognized elders and senior community members that due to their many years of experience are good sounding boards without being overly critical.


“The best way I can describe it is by recalling the ‘Queen of the Damned’ movie at the concert when all the humans were moving so fast, nearly invisible and the vampires were in complete stillness, sharper.”

The Beacon – This term is primarily used within the vampyre community but its concept applies for all Nightkind. The Beacon is a particular energy signature generated by awakened individuals attracting others to us; this is attributed to crown chakra activity as is our auric field and our particular energy signature. It can be experienced in different ways depending on the individual; where a subtle energetic pull and a visual energetic emanation are the most common. Very much like radar, the Beacon allows the awakened to sense and identify kindred spirits in the immediate proximity, establishing recognition on an instinctual unspoken level. This Beacon can also be perceived as a warning sign, as not all awakened individuals are warm and fuzzy, some can be contemptible predators. Some unawakened individuals with deep potential also emanate a Beacon; this helps draw kin, or those of like-mind, to them in order to facilitate their Awakening process. But keep in mind that not all unawakened, even those emanating a powerful Beacon, are ready for The Awakening, so allow those with more experience to judge when it is appropriate to catalyze such an Awakening. It is possible that we have always sensed this type of inexplicable attraction to others of like-mind but were unable to identify it as a realistic gift. This type of awareness can be achieved through practice, but generally it comes naturally with little or no effort. Like any talent, in order to fine tune its acuteness we must use it practicing bringing it from the subconscious mind into a more deliberate conscious practice by listening to our instincts and heading them doubtlessly. We may also begin to use a different facet of the Beacon that some call “scanning” when we meet a new person and attempt to determine character and friendship potential. There is an even deeper form of consensual scan known as the “mind’s eye”, where there is an unspoken surrender of desires and fears, usually between romantic partners. Indirectly, our new awarenesses can enable us to establish remote links with loved ones, and reach-out or “call” someone to our side, particularly if a bond already exists.


“For the longest time I’ve had dreams about cats, in my dreams I often become a cat. A few weeks ago a black stay cat walked into my apartment and hasn’t left yet. I love my new kitty!”

Animal Kinships – As we come to terms with our inner nature and our true-selves we may develop an uncanny feeling of being closer in mindset to certain animals. It’s even possible that these animals have always been around us, and we just never noticed our interconnections to them until now, that we are finally taking the time to stop and look around, observe our environment, record our dreams and fearlessly be open to the revelations in our visions. Somehow, animals may now seem to be more “like us” in their behavior and demeanor. We may either be appreciating a side of animal nature we never did before or we are in some way finally identifying with it. We may relate to the primal animal, their instinctual reflexes, their impulsive nature, their connection with the wild, or even to their enjoyment of the hunt or of the kill. Even wild animals may be less afraid of us allowing us to approach them and interact with them. Wild animals too, may come to us as if they know or recognize us as one of them. Some may even have important messages for us.
Animal visitations during dreams and visions may become common place, and sometimes we unexpectedly find a new pet or two. Often it is these pets that find us. We may draw not just pets to our side, but animal familiars who become our spirit guides, totems, power animals, medicine animals, or spiritual teachers. Familiars can be either physical or spiritual companions, sometimes both. Familiars are our magical partners that keep us safe in our journeys by lending us their special abilities, senses, or wisdom.
Animal kinships may develop with common dogs, cats, horses, or birds but they can also be wild creatures like wolves, bears, deer, eagles, cranes, lizards, or leopards. In some rarer cases we may also connect with mythological animals like unicorns, dragons, or gargoyles. While some of our newly developed kinships may seem to be unusual, we need to accept what the universe, both physical and dream-world, brings to us knowing that there is an ultimate purpose for everything that surrounds us. Animal kinships are beautiful gifts that often enable us to further unlock and substantiate our inner-nature.


“Recently I have been remembering happenings that don’t seem to be from this life time. Is it possible I am remembering my past lives, or am I imagining all this?”

Surfacing Memories - As we Awaken and come to terms with our innate-nature and begin to accept our true-selves we begin to integrate all our different selves that we denied or put aside. It is normal to experience odd Surfacing Memories that can be physical recollections, suppressed memories, or even visions of past lives. These memories can be cryptic short glimpses or detailed stories involving all our senses and emotions. Odd memories can be a delayed byproduct of an energy exchange, communion, or feeding. As we engage in such interpersonal practices it is important that we learn to identify these picked-up messages versus our own personal experiences. Another possibility is that these memories are images that we are picking up from an item in our immediate surroundings, generally a new item that has a strong past, which may be projecting its history into our subconscious as a personal memory. Either way, it is important to record these memories because they have emerged with a very specific purpose that may be linked with our personal betterment, our Family, or that of the Community as a whole. To this end we may find useful to have with us at all times either a tape recorder or a journal.
Some community members feel it is best to accept whatever recollections come to mind naturally, not forcing the rest, as they claim these memories will come when we are ready to accept and embrace them and not sooner. Others advocate assisted methods of memory/past-life retrieval. In this latter case it is important to procure reliable guides and view the results of such explorations as a glimpse at another facet of us, regardless if they reveal certifiable memories or past-life experiences. Some assisted methods to induce the on-flux of Surfacing Memories include hypnosis, the Christos Method, archetype contemplation, Ouija board consultation, astral plane retrieval, as well as spiritual journeys like meditation, ritual work, journeying, fasting, chanting, isolation, sensory deprivation, corporeal stimulation and Tantric practices.
It is possible that our seeming Surfacing Memories are just products of our now ‘more fertile than ever’ imagination and we must be careful not to overreact, bear pointless grudges, seek revenge or solicit an old unrequited love story. Even if things are now as we ‘saw’ them then, there is no telling what has changed since.


“Sometimes I feel someone else speaking thru me.”

Essence by Proxy – As the veil lifts to the Awakening, our subconscious mind is now able to better access peripheral information that we were never able to before; becoming possible to feel as if someone else is speaking, acting, or in a way possessing us for a few seconds or even minutes. Essence by Proxy is a form of spontaneous channeling that can be the byproduct of an energy exchange, communion, or feeding; as we assimilate the life-energy shared with us, we become ‘It’ for a split second. In its simplest explanation it is purely a deeper awareness of the energy while it’s being processed. This type of channeling can reoccur over time until the particular energy has fully worked itself out of our system; this can be days, weeks or even months depending on individual metabolic rates. Essence by Proxy manifests primarily to energy workers as well as both pranic and sanguine Vamps. While it can be perceived as enjoyable, it can also be quite disturbing, particularly if the episodes are very frequent or last for extended periods of time.
In a similar vein it is also possible to proxy someone’s essence through a third party, where we are no longer seeing, hearing or sensing them but instead the person with whom we have shared life-energy. Although neither occurrence is true channeling, these are ways in which we can access an individual’s essence, thoughts and emotions.
Mastery of Essence by Proxy implies bringing it from the subconscious to the conscious into a willful purposeful act. This can facilitate ‘far-reach’ - the calling upon or touching of an individual by tapping into their energetic frequency, long distance energy draw, as well as actually fully channeling the individual in question, particularly if they happen to be in a semi-conscious or unconscious state, like meditation or sleep where they are more apt to travel in an ethic/astral sense.


“My dreams have changed and became very important to me. They are so real. They seem more than just mere dreams. I always wake up shaken and confused.”

Dreaming – The Awakening brings our conscious mind more in-sink with our subconscious and unconscious selves. As we clear and open our crown chakra we are now better able to dream, evoking those dreams that are more meaningful. Our dreams are a terrific way of tapping into the latent or denied aspects of our nature, as well as into our destiny. In our dreams, shrouded personages offer us small opportunities to claim those lost pieces of our inner being; often offering us useful tools to venture forth in our path of Awakening.
There are many types of dreams. Most dreams are offered to us as mere entertainment and stimulation for the unconscious mind. Many of our dreams are products of our daily interactions and concerns. Some are products of our fears and insecurities. A few Dreams may be mystical, precognitive, or bring us prophetic messages. We may also experience dreams we know are real on some level, either a past memory or that we’ve somehow tapped into someplace else. Others are lucid dreams in which we retain ultimate control of the dream itself. Not all our dreams are prophetic, even if we’ve had many of them before; in fact since many dreams are based on our subconscious fears and insecurities we must be careful not to overreact, bear grudges, or seek revenge based solely on the content of our dreams. Valid interpretation of our dream content is important. These often symbolic visages of indefinite times and places challenge our concepts of reason, and reality. Dreams often come from a cryptic place of magic and illusion and are unlikely to present themselves in a straight-forward manner. We must learn to decipher them based on our own associations, feelings and experiences, not from soft-cover dream dictionaries.
Like Surfacing memories, unusual dreams can be a delayed byproduct of an energy exchange as well as from an emanation that we are picking up from an item in our immediate surroundings. Regardless of origin, it is important to record our dreams because they may bear a very specific purpose linked with our inner-nature, our Family, or the community.
Sometimes we cannot recall our dreams or some part of them. Although it seems we are missing something crucial, we will always remember what is truly important in our life-path. We shouldn’t force anything and most important of all we must never be fearful of our dreams.


“Is it possible that I am having control over what I dream?”

Lucid Dreams – Also referred to as intentional or conscious dreaming, Lucid Dreaming can be learned as a discipline over time, or it can begin suddenly as a product of a catharsis like The Awakening. These dreams can manifest themselves as a byproduct or a precursor to etheric or astral travel, so if we are experimenting in such realms we can begin to dream lucidly. Lucid Dreaming is when we deliberately dream of a specific event, person, or place, remember what we dreamed, and ultimately retain complete control over the events in the dream, or at least of the choices and abilities we have within the dream. This is a terrific way to access our higher-selves toward greater understanding of our nature, life-path and destiny. Lucid Dreaming enables the dreamer to enter the etheric and the astral, explore past or future lives, visit the Akashic records, receive messages from the Ancients, and create magic. It is particularly important to journal and study Lucid Dreams because they have very specific purposes in our lives and in our path to self- discovery.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part V
Seeing with Dragon Eyes

Seeing Things, Visions, Connection with Celestial Bodies, Connection with the Night, Seeing Beyond Form, Astral Appendages, Sensing Invisible Presences, Clairaudience, Communication with the Spirit World, Visitations, Altered Time, Altered States of Consciousness, Endarkening


“I never had problems with my eyesight, but lately I have been seeing things.”

Seeing Things - The Awakening may trigger odd occurrences of Seeing Things which may include: colors (auras) around people, plants, animals, and objects, as well as seeing glittery particles, shimmering objects, dark spots and oddly shaped floaters. Thanks to The Awakening we can experience new ways of seeing; this is also called ‘Seeing with Dragon Eyes’. We must be patient and courageous as our third eye opens. We may see objects where none truly exist, see opaque objects as transparent or translucent, or everyday colors brighter and more vivid. We may also see floating geometric shapes or brilliant colors and snap-shots even when our eyes are closed. We may see discontinuities or gaps in reality, as if a movie real has been torn. As we become more sensitive, we may see shapes or outlines in the air, or even energy grids running across the ground. We may see tracks or trailers behind moving objects, or odder still, tracks and trailers in front of objects before they move. When our eyes are open (or even closed) we may see white or gray shapes in our peripheral vision that may be our spirit guides. Sometimes we may be able to affect, manipulate or draw upon these very same things we see. Sometimes seeing is part of our discovery and learning process. Sometimes we may see things during, after, or as a result of an energy exchange, communion, or feeding. Such exchanges can serve to open our third eye by altering our energetic frequency allowing us to temporarily see differently. We may also experience blurry vision, dimming, tunnel and double vision, which may cause headaches and achy eyes. These should last no longer than a few minutes to a couple of hours, else medical intervention is recommended.


“I zone-out frequently. When I do, I see things, places and people that are not there and that I do not recognize.”

Visions – We may start seeing dark or bright dots, filaments, floaters, and threads in our field of vision or in our peripheral vision. These hints may become numbers, symbols, omens, portents, or anything that bears personal spiritual importance. Visions may be like a daydream, where we are lured away from reality into a netherworld that projects itself as a series of visual images. Visions can be any visual experience obtained thru spiritual journeys like meditation, astral travel, fasting, chanting, isolation, ritual work, sensory deprivation, corporeal stimulation, Tantric practices or altered states of consciousness. Sometimes powerful visions come to us after or as a byproduct of an energy exchange. Such exchanges can bring us parts of those that we’ve communed with in the form or images, snapshots or virtual movie reels of ‘their’ lives, past-lives, destiny, origin etc… where we somehow become the protagonist, not them. It is wise to be able to learn to discern this; least we may feel compelled to join the service, while it was in fact our donor who spent time in the war.
Extended periods of confusion, rejection, alienation and isolation can lead to illusions and hallucinations. If we do see Visions, it is important that we learn to differentiate what is truly a message and what is our imagination, sometimes there is a fine line, and not every Vision should be interpreted exactly as it is shown to us; some are straightforward and clearly meaningful, others just subconscious entertainment or the product of our own insecurities. Either way it is important to journal these Visions because they were no doubt delivered onto us with a very specific purpose that may be linked with our personal betterment, our Family, or our community. It is important not to fear these Visions, regardless of how daunting they may be. Instead we need to learn to welcome and enjoy seeing with Dragon Eyes, as it is a very special gift.


“I’ve discovered a new relationship with the Night; after the sun sets, I feel more creative and alive.”

Connection with the Night – As we awaken to our true-nature we develop a special awareness, understanding, respect and love for the Night. The term Nightkind embraces all those - Mystics, Witches, Therians, Vampyres, Otherkin – that share a special connection with the Night.
As we awaken to our true selves, to our kinships and to our interconnections, becoming either more solitary or more social, we will find ourselves exploring the Night alone or with our newfound friends who revel in the same intrinsic connection. The Night elates us, it is empowering and liberating. Our body chemistry changes at night when certain nighttime hormones, like melatonin, are being secreted. These hormonal tides can be accentuated, truncated, or even inverted during/after The Awakening. As we arrive at a deeper, more holistic self-awareness, we cannot deny feeling different, often recharged and more alert when night falls.
As we become more aware of our interconnection with our environment and its energy fluxes, we begin to develop a different appreciation for the night and its components -- the chill in the air, its stillness, its ebb and flow, its dark embrace, its heart. There is something about the Night that resonates with something deep within us; often, we find ourselves regarding the Night as our sister, our mistress, or even our goddess. The Night gives us permission to be ourselves giving wings to our most primal desires. In the night we find respite from our dayside responsibilities; a much welcomed solace that encourages our other-self to come out, play, and express itself creatively, magically, and passionately. We may even find that it is during the night that our extrasensory abilities and etheric sensitivities are sharper; so no better time to explore our psychic potential… and the Night, it keeps our secrets.


“I have always felt drawn to the moon. Now I finally understand why.”

Connection With Celestial Bodies – A certain inexplicable tie connects us to the sky, whether or not we like astrology or astronomy. It may be the sun that draws us, the clouds, the moon or the very stars that speak to us. Since the dawn of time, humans have been fascinated with the movement, meaning and origin of celestial bodies that compelled them to create myth, magic and science. Today the mainstream majority lives their entire life looking up only to confirm the weather; to us however celestial bodies bear a special significance. We may find ourselves looking for that special constellation becoming easily transfixed in its contemplation, we may gaze endlessly at morphing clouds seeing in their patterns familiar angels and dragons, or we may desire to bathe in the reenergizing light of the sun or moon. The moon is certainly the most popular celestial body among the awakened Nightkind, followed by certain constellations like the Pleiades Sisters and Orion, which is also known as Osiris.
To better understand the nature of our connection we can certainly delve into the scientific, historic, religious and mythological details of our favorite heavenly body. We may be surprised to find strange parallels that will no doubt have some ‘coincidental’ resonances in our lives. Astrologers constantly tell us that the energetic pull of each and every celestial body has a dramatic impact on our lives, and scientist are now are beginning to confirm that they do, at least those closer to us. For instance our closest neighbor, the moon which affects the tides, is also charged with affecting all water, and subsequently our very own chemical makeup and hormonal processes. This being only one of the many ways we are connected.
The Awakening stirs in us the desire to further our self-discovery and that of the universe around us; exploring and understanding the connection we have with these more visible universal bodies is an important part of it.


“I recently had a weird experience I can’t shake off - I looked in the mirror and a strange face was looking back at me.”

Seeing Beyond Form – It is said that every person has three faces – the face that they present to the world, the face that is seen by everyone, and their true face. Some say that every person has an animal side, an animal-self. Others claim that our shadow-self often called our Dragon is our true form. Others say that if we look deeply into someone we can see their True Form, that which lies beyond the mere physical.
As our third eye opens and we become more sensitive, some of us, Awakened Nightkind, can see beyond physical form. It is akin to seeing someone just as they are but with a different face; sometimes their body may be different, sometimes gender, race, and we may even see them as animals, angels, aliens or mythical creatures. This may present itself as an intense feeling, a diaphanous outline, an etheric overlap, or as a very solid physical body. Sometimes we may see what lies beyond our own physical form reflected back at us from a mirror, glass window, or pool of water.
Although we can learn how to do this in a controlled deliberate manner, often we are made privy to this talent by happenstance, where suddenly its there, undeniably in full color. Seeing anyone’s other form for the first time can be disconcerting, but even more so if it’s our own - facing our own demons is never easy. We must keep in mind that what we are seeing does not need be a permanent form of the True Self, much like our aura that can change radically upon our disposition, the True Self image can morph and wane depending on a variety of factors. What we are seeing may also be an echo from a future yet to come, from an imprinted past-life, or even from a distant parallel universe. So in short, to harness this gift we must learn to interpret what we see; black mirror exercises can help us develop this talent.
Seeing Beyond Form can be a terrific asset, as it can facilitate the substantiation and acceptance of our True-Nature as Awakened Nightkind, it can help us detect dangerous individuals or those we call kin, as well as it can become a valuable tool in assisting others to better understand and heal themselves.


“I have wings. I swear I’ve really felt them splay quite often.”

Astral Appendages – Of particular interest primarily for Therian and Otherkin individuals is what can be described as Astral Appendages, or sometimes Phantom Extensions or Ghost Limbs. The feeling of having invisible appendages can develop as a result of inner nature, a very strong past-life memory, or otherwise shared soul experiences. Appendages like tails and wings are the most common, followed by tentacles, extended fingers or limbs, or even the very real feeling that an appendage is in-fact missing having somehow been removed or amputated. The experience of non-physical appendages manifests in the form of movement, pain, numbness, temperature and pleasurable sensations. The size, position and even texture of said appendages can be felt and experienced in a very real way. Many account for feeling others walk through, touch and even see their Astral Extensions. These Astral Appendages can also be the main culprits for Chakra displacement, blockages and other associated etheric issues. In addition, they often cause social and physical challenges to the bearers of such since these astral limbs can manifest sporadically during emotional episodes, or even quite persistently as they are not exclusive to the dream world. With the onset of the Awakening and with the heightened awareness it brings us, it is common that it is during this time that we first begin to be aware of any such Astral Appendages, and it can be a very startling discovery. From the first episode, it is important begin to try to exercise them, understand why they are there, control their potential, and really try to examine what they can be communicating.


“I have been hearing disembodied voices clear as day, but they must be in a foreign language or something…I can’t understand anything they say.”

Clairaudience – Spiritual Awakening can also cause our ears to adjust to new frequencies, particularly at night or during meditative periods, while our conscious mind is less dominant and our subconscious mind is activated. Awakening can cause us not only to hear better and pick up on a sound range we did not before, but it also implies that there has been a recharging of the nervous system stimulating the auditory organs. Beeps, buzzing, electronic patterns, music, ringing, roars, rushing waters, whispers, and white noise are the most common disturbances. Generally these come singly, but it is also possible to hear several noises at once as if a door has just opened, and in fact it may have; such experiences may indicate our potential to be clairaudient. Other experiences include audio dyslexia, where we can't always make out what is being said, as if we no longer comprehend our own language, this can be recurring and quite disorienting, but something that we must handle with patience, as it is possible that in time we will learn to understand these cryptic messages. Similarly, it is also possible that something or someone from a different plane or dimension is attempting to communicate with us; in some way reaching out to get our attention. Sometimes these noises or voices may be an echo of a future yet to come, and we may feel very awkwardly surprised when in entering that future, we hear it a second time.
These experiences can be frightening, but it is important that we embrace them with courage, surrendering to it, being receptive by allowing the sounds to come through. Sometimes these noises manifest more frequently during sleep periods, startling us awake. Should we feel very uncomfortable with these occurrences or their frequency, we can certainly ask them to stop. Before bed we can try some soothing chamomile tea and make calming self-protective affirmations verbally warding off any possible disturbances. We must firmly believe that our ‘will’ is strong enough to protect us. Along the same line we may also choose to call upon our guardian angel, a protective deity, servitor, or egregore.
To better understand why we may be hearing noises, we may want to document these noises and the surrounding events. Sometimes we have acquired something new that is casting energetic vibrations that we cannot help but to hear… this can be a new person in our life, an antique trinket, a vintage dress hanging in our wardrobe, a painting…etc… anything new that has been introduced into our life can be the culprit. Of course, if this is the case, item removal will only address the symptom not the cause. Instead we may want to try focused meditation, lucid dreaming or any deliberate method of generating a more controlled ambisided form of communication. Although Clairaudience is a gift, it may take patience and time to sharpen it.


“I know I can talk to spirits. How do I sharpen my skill?”

Communication With The Spirit World – Although most everyone has the intrinsic ability to receive messages from the other side, we need to allow the messages to come through. The Awakening facilitates this, almost as if we suddenly realize that we can now open a window that was always locked shut. Communication with the spirit world may occur in two general ways: Mentally where our psychic senses are used for the communication between the two worlds, and physically where some material tools are utilized. Such interchanges can include communication with divinity, angelic presences, ancient ones, spirit guides, the deceased, the Akashic Halls, gatekeepers, servitors and other inter-dimensional entities.
While mental communication can happen via Clairaudience and Clairvoyance, the most common form is through Clairsentience where we just “feel” and become able to downloading information from the spirit world. Often the ‘feeling’ is akin to a touch, a soft breeze, a special scent, a tingling permeating energy, or that of brushing past spider webs.
While communication with the spirit world can manifest without any tools, some of us may choose to attempt initial communication efforts via more physical methods that can help us learn to unlock that window by quieting and stilling our mind. Some physical methods include:
• Ouija/Angel/Demon Boards – homemade or store-bought boards that are marked with letters and basic words function by placing the fingertips on a plachette and asking questions to which a spirit will answer by spelling out words on the board.
• Séances – generally conducted in a group setting where a psychic or medium calls upon specific spirits or entities and where occasionally a possession is allowed to take place.
• Automatic Writing and Channeling - a full or partial ‘possession’ by a spirit who will speak or write/type out messages through the individual acting as an open conduit.
• Candles, Crystals, Mirrors, Bowls of water or blood, and other tools are also employed to induce a trance by staring deeply into them, which greatly enhances any communication efforts during a self-induced hypnotic state.
Attempts at communication with the spirit world are generally harmless experiences, although some rare exceptions have been reported to have caused hauntings and poltergeist-like activity. The Key to most of our gifts is to learn how to control and master them so that we can decide when its time to tune them off or turn them on. While it is not advised to 'play' with this gift, facing it with courage and not fear is important. We must firmly believe that our ‘will’ is strong enough to protect us. Along the same line we may also choose to call upon our guardian angel, a protective deity, servitor, or egregore. Knowing that ultimately we have control over this. We can say "No", "Not Now"...and we can also opt to close this window permanently.


“Last night I woke up with the distinct impression that I was surrounded by flying things, I was so scarred I couldn’t move. I’m afraid to go to sleep now.”

Invisible Presences – Many Nightkind have had experiences with Invisible Presences. There seems to be a propensity since early childhood to sense such entities. With the onset of The Awakening, such presences may become a more frequent occurrence. Occurring generally at night or early in the morning hours, when the veil between dimensions is thinner, we may sense as if someone or something is hovering near, reaching out to touch us, eventually rousing us awake, usually in a panic. Sometimes these Invisible Presences come while we are sleeping, dreaming, or while we are in-between sleeping and waking. We may feel as if we are surrounded by beings or we may have the sensation of being touched or talked to. Sometimes we may also feel our body or our surroundings vibrate. Many times we try to move or scream but cannot, as if we are being held-down or paralyzed by an unseen entity. Such visitations are commonly referred to as Night Terrors or Hag Attacks. It can be a chilling experience to know someone or something is there with us and not be able to see or hear it. While we might be startled or even terrorized by the initial presence, any following episodes need not be as frightening. Such presences are making themselves perceivable to us for a reason. We must stay calm and retain control; we are indeed powerful if we should not fear. Instead we should listen to what the Presence(s) may be trying to communicate to us through their words, actions and the residual feelings they leave us with. We need to ask, verbally if possible, what is it that they want us to know. When they leave, we must analyze what feelings we are left with. Are they telling us to be careful, to be watchful? Are they telling us that these presences are watching over us now that we are on a higher spiritual path? Are they Ancients or others of our kind reaching out to us? Are they here to guide us or have they just arrived to frighten us and feed from us?
Should we feel very uncomfortable with their presence, we can also opt to close the door by asking them to leave. We can do this with bed-time affirmations, by blessing our bed and space around it before we go to sleep, by holding a protective talisman of our choice, or by requesting to be surrounded only by the spiritual entities of our choice. In any case, we should always document our experiences and feelings when we sense any Invisible Presences, what may not have an explanation today, tomorrow may explain a whole lot.


“This isn’t the first time that I see a man leaning over me while I sleep, it’s not a dream he was holding my hand in his last time. I know what he looks like and even what he smells like. Who is he and why is he here?”

Visitations - Much like sensing Invisible Presences, contact with visible inter-dimensional or ancient beings occur generally at night or early in the morning, while we are sleeping, dreaming, or while we are in-between being asleep and awake. Visitors may stay shrouded in the shadows, enveloped in mist, within blinding light, or appear clearly to us. They can come alone, in pairs or in small groups. They often bear the familiar faces of our ancestors, departed family, mentors or even childhood heroes, speaking tender guiding words. But these visitors can also be complete strangers, resemble gods, angels, demons, monsters, or aliens speaking foreign tongues, uttering incomprehensible words that sound like alarming warnings or commands. In some cases we may be witnessing the etheric projection or subtle body of someone who is reaching out to us.
These visitors may stand across form us at a safe distance, sit beside us, kneel before us, or jump on top of us to whisper in our ear or scream at us. Even the most diaphanous visitation can manifest very physical properties, taking us by the hand or even daring us to sexual ingress. Sometimes these visitors take us to an astral plane, or another dimension, to test our limits, initiate us, or show us some significant occurrence.
Visitations may be anteceded by a certain smell, sound, or alteration in temperature like a suddenly occurring perfume, the sound of a squeaky door, or a chilling breeze; which will help us identify and be better prepared for the encounter. Visitations may also occur to the same individual around the same time, the same day of the week, month or even the same lunar phase. Sometimes these visitations occur only during particular physical, mental, emotional or spiritual alterations, i.e.: when we are running a fever, when we are in deep meditation, or when we are experiencing some form of ecstasy.
Just like when sensing Invisible Presences we must stay calm, retain our sovereignty and confront the visitor(s) fearlessly with authority and curiosity, listening to what they may be trying to communicate, nevertheless if we feel very uncomfortable with their presence, we can ask them to leave and take protective measures. Yet, it is important to record these visitations because no doubt they have a very specific purpose that may be linked with our personal betterment, our Family or that of the community.


“I completely loose track of time, its morning before I realize I was up the whole night. Why is this happening?”

Altered Perception of Time - The Awakening introduces so many changes into our life at an unprecedented rate, that it is no wonder that we can become lost in introspection, research or a creative project. Experiencing a sense of time lost, or simply a lost sense of time can be triggered by deep preoccupations. It is possible that our inner sense of time becomes distorted if we experience a blank-out, a blackout, some sort of meditative trancelike state, or any kind of physical or spiritual ecstasy. Sometimes we may also lose time during, after, or as a consequence of an energy exchange; such exchanges can increase or diminish our biochemical frequency, altering our innate perception of time. Sometimes it is possible to lose not just minutes, but hours or even days, without any recollection of what happened; or in some instances, we may bring back dream-like recollections that can help substantiate our nature, origin, hegemony, and life path. It is understandable how many feel they have been abducted. In many of cases, these extremely disconcerting experiences either catalyze The Awakening, or cascade a new layer of it.
Many Nightkind, possibly due to their bioelectric/electromagnetic properties, find that they affect watches, clocks and other electric or mechanic time-pieces. Many find that keeping time and being punctual are near impossibilities, and either find that time is stretched-out as if in slow-motion, or that it slips-by at an accelerated rate. Breaking the day up into a schedule or appointments can increase a sense of accelerated time, conversely, if we relax into the present we can seemingly slow-down time.


“I have been working on Ethereal Projection exercises, is that anyway connected with my new blackouts?”

Altered States of Consciousness – Trancelike Out-of-Body Experiences (OBEs) as well as other involuntary alterations of consciousness like blackouts, Grand Mal, or other types of seizures, can facilitate visiting the Astral, from where we can retrieve precious information about past-lives, ancestral legacy, hegemony, racial origin, personal destiny, inner-nature, and identity among others.
Many of us like to delve into the world of Out-of-Body Experiences like Astral Projection. In this process the dream-self lucidly travels to the Astral. There it’s possible to access and retrieve insight from the Akashic Halls (the much talked about astral library), elementals, deities, ancients and others that populate those regions. It is always recommended for beginners accessing the Astral, to do so with a friend who will serve as watcher, for grounding purposes.
Other trancelike states can be obtained through techniques that include drumming, ecstatic dance, journeying, meditation, vision quests, and other non-chemically assisted methods of connecting with the Astral. Some would claim that certain chemicals can open the same doors, but the faster, chemically induced ways of connecting with the astral are strongly advised against, as they can potentially exceed our personal awareness levels, possibly leading to unnecessary physical, mental and emotional damage.
Despite its dangerous implications, seizures where the individual experiences a loss, or partial loss of consciousness, may also open a doorway to the astral from where the individual can subconsciously obtain sensory experiences, verbal messages, detailed visions, and memories.
Blackouts also called Pettit Mal are brief interruptions of consciousness that leave the individual absent from reality for a few seconds. During this short time is possible to involuntarily receive messages and visions. Those that suffer from such reoccurring episodes often do not recall the blackout but somehow retain the message or vision, which is sometimes short and simple, other times lengthy and detailed in complexity. Blackouts can begin not only during early childhood but also shortly after The Awakening or another related catharsis, and generally have little to do with any OBE exercises or practices.
The convulsions of the Grand Mal generally consist of serious muscle spasms followed by a comatose period where the individual is unconscious often subconsciously receptive to astral information. The Grand Mal should not be taken lightly as it is a serious illness characterized by reoccurring episodes. It generally develops during puberty or early adulthood, possibly triggered by metabolic disorders or severe cathartic episodes like The Awakening.
Some of us may experience Altered States of Consciousness during, immediately after or as a delayed byproduct of an energy exchange, communion, or feeding. This is one of the reasons why it is recommended to have a third party present during energy exchanges, especially for beginners, or for those that have had previous experiences of this type.
If we do receive messages from the astral, it is important that we learn to differentiate what is truly a message for us, what we are ‘picking-up’ from circumstances, from our environment, and what is our imagination, some times there is a fine line, and not every vision or dream should be interpreted exactly as it is shown to us. Visions obtained during Altered States of Consciousness can be powerfully meaningful, as well as just good entertainment.


“Stand back! I know who I am now. And I will devour you.”

Endarkening - The Endarkening is an important initiatory aspect of all Nightkind. As our nature further manifests itself, we see results around us and begin to actualize our inner power. We finally understand why we are so different and revel in this, which actually sets us above the mainstream majority. We have sat in our throne and we feel we can command the world. We may begin to look at life and all its contents as food, as nothing more than precious morsels to be possessed, mastered, and consumed. Life situations and people become, through our eyes, a child’s game to be toyed with, where we become the predator, and they simple prey. We may become selfish, haughty, arrogant, and may indiscriminately seek to impose our will randomly upon our environment. We feel our shadow-self, our beast or dragon, more pointedly, allowing them to permeate through us and fearlessly we embrace it, as we learn to control and apply its wiles. We face our demons square in the eye, and we smile knowing that we are their masters. We begin to look at our former self as if it was dying, and in a way, it is, only to give birth to our new Awakened Self. Accepting, relegating, giving ourselves permission to be, living the moment, and trusting our instincts is vital. While desiring to fulfill or deepest darkest passions we must conduct ourselves with maturity and discretion. Now more than ever before, we need to remember and employ the tools of the Veil of the Waking Dream: Integrity, Respect, Loyalty, Honesty, Accountability, Wisdom, Acumen, Fortitude, Resolve, Temperance, Compassion, Presence, and Introspection. These tools are essential as we embrace our darker aspects and begin ‘beasting’. Our goal aught to be - not only to balance the dark and light aspects of our being, but to weave one into the other in perfect Twilight.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part VI
A New Self Awareness

Being Different, Impending Doom, Completion, Impatience, Escapism, Purpose, Spirituality, Socialization, Mentors, Catharsis, Integrity


“I’ve changed so much in the past few months… I look back and don’t recognize who I was.”

Being Different – Our interests, nature, aesthetic, and the way we interpret reality have always caused us to feel different; but this is not the same. The Awakening can instill within us a disquieting sense that everything in our life has been transformed, and that somehow we have left our old selves behind. It’s possible to sense being different suddenly; whereas one day we simply wake-up to feel different, more at ease, as if we suddenly realize who we truly are and where we fit in; as if our life had been a puzzle whose pieces have just seamlessly come together. It’s also possible that this sense of being different settles-in slowly as we realize we feel more and more distant from old friends, old activities, and the bland mundane thinking that was part of our past. Our old ways of being, our convictions and behaviors have deteriorated as we have come to embrace new ways of thinking that often require an internal process of readjustment. This adjustment is not always comfortable or peaceful; sometimes it can be confusing. Yes, we’ve changed. We may feel an incredible sense of belonging, completion and harmony or just the opposite, where we feel as if we are standing alone at the edge of a frightening chasm. Often we must tune-in our will to alter our thoughts in order to prevent our evolution from leading us into a state of anxiety or depression. We must embrace Being Different proudly knowing that we, Awakened Nightkind, have a special niche in society, heralding in the dawn of a new age. In a way, we are transcendental beings in a constant state of evolution, which we call X’eper. As we emerge anew from each layer of the Awakening we must remember to be patient, brave, adventurous, but above all trust our inner acumen.

“I know something terrible is about to happen.”

Impending Doom – A looming feeling that something bad is about to happen hovers over our heads like a dark cloud. This feeling of impending doom causes needless anxiety that detracts our attention from other, perhaps more realistic or prominent issues. Things are definitely happening around us, after all we are catalysts, but not all things are bad. Sometimes even really bad situations can have good endings. There are times of extended peace that compel us to think that something horrible is going to happen soon. Of course this is not necessarily so, but life will continue to ebb and flow, and we will continue to experience loss, death, and failures as well as much love, joy and success to come. The aura of “gloom and doom” is often associated with Nightkind, but this doesn’t necessarily need to be so. Although we can continue to appreciate the dark and dreary, our internal selves can be happy reveling in our becoming and attaining a deep fulfillment from our X’eper. To this end we must be at ease overcoming the fear that something terrible is going to happen. A reasonable amount of concern is healthy, if we use it to improve the situation we are in or heading toward; fear can be a great motivator. Unreasonable unwarranted worry can be an immobilizing factor preventing us from advancing and evolving. If we cannot find a way to channel this feeling of Impending Doom we may temporarily or permanently halt our Awakening or even stunt our psychological development. We can certainly learn to tap into this unquantifiable dread and utilize it to identify possible problem areas.


“All of the sudden I realize that I have so many things to finish and get rid of, so much I meant to do and haven’t. It’s overwhelming!”

Completion - Old issues begin resurfacing in our life. Stressful situations that have been pending for a long stretch of time are now demanding closure. We may suddenly desire to start on that personal project that we’ve been endlessly meaning to do when we get around to it, finish incomplete projects, streamline daily routines, and conclude draining jobs, constant distractions or toxic individuals. Perhaps we need to work through issues of self-esteem, security, loyalty, honesty, inspiration, forgiveness, co-dependency, balance, or anguish. Our demons can be many yet it is important to address all pending issues, embracing whatever comes up as a way to evolve and possibly even address them in a way to benefit not only ourselves but others. We may not be able to resolve everything alone, so we should definitely reach out to family (dayside or night), an elder, or at least a trusted friend who has walked a similar road Completion issues are common as we begin to awaken, as well as we advance thru the different levels of awakening. Once again we are being presented with an opportunity to resolve these unfinished issues, to do those things we didn’t get a chance to do; now we are certainly better prepared, as the resources and people needed to work out these issues also materialize. Those unresolved things in our life or in our way of being that prevent us from being the best we can be, not only immobilize us but blind us to what is truly important for our evolution. It is important that any lose ends be sniped-off as we embark on our journey to awakening as the less we have weighing on our shoulders, the less encumbered we are and the more prepared we become for what’s next.


“So much to do and so little time to do it in. How can people be so stupid?! And where are the short-cuts?”

Impatience – Our Awakening reminds us that there is much to do, to get where we want to be. There is much to learn, discover and practice, yet the more we learn the more we realize lies beyond. Intemperate impatience leads to clutter, confusion, inequity and anxiety of the mind, heart and soul. Impatience often leads to poor decisions and impulsive actions. As Awakened Nightkind, we inherently detest uncertainty, but we need to learn to live with it, for very little is clear-cut in our world. We need to master temperance, knowing that “it” will come when we are prepared for it, and not sooner. We must also learn to be patient with those of lesser sight, and even more so with those that oppose us. Knowing our selves, our capabilities and our limitations are vital keys; as we pace ourselves to insure success in all our endeavors. We need to realize that it is in conquering the tides of emotions and over-reactions that success ensues in all things. This inner stillness requires much patience, practice and discipline: mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. There are no true short-cuts; those avenues that seem to be shortcuts can be dangerous divergences instead. We need to remember that our expedition into our Awakening is about the journey, not the goal itself. We have chosen the ‘higher path’, ‘the path less traveled’, and so we must learn to patiently trust in our higher-selves, our instincts, wisdom and our acumen. Balanced, this new impatience of ours can also be a terrific motivating force to propel us forward. We can use our impatience to seek good strong mentors, beneficial friends who share our goals, and answers to our innermost questions.


“I need to get away from these people I used to call friends and from my job. It all seems meaningless, purposeless, insignificant... ”

Escapism – During the Awakening there can be two phases of Escapism. The first form is when we fist discover our nature. For some of us, this is a far-fetched thing and we resist it, struggling with feelings of denial. We may even avoid everything and everyone that may bring to mind who and what we really are. As we Awaken we consciously face our own shadows; this can certainly be off-putting, but it is an intrinsic, necessary part of our personal evolution, or X’eper, and there is no real escape.
The second phase of Escapism settles in when we finally acknowledge that X’eper is unavoidable. We come to accept The Awakening, and we may even come to think that what is happening to us is the end to all our problems. Unfortunately we will not wake up one day to find ourselves rid of loss, death, and failure; life will continue to ebb and flow, perhaps even more so now. The Awakening is not an escape. We may however, desire to free ourselves from restrictive routines, draining jobs, codependent lifestyles, or toxic individuals and circumstances. We will also desire to be free to be and manifest who we truly are. We may even desire to distance ourselves from distractions that no longer serve us, our nature, or our path. If we find ourselves drawn to seek some form of Escape by delving into literature, music, art and nature we should do so. Although we cannot dismiss our dayside responsibilities, energy draining people and activities that are confining and purposeless should be managed away, so that we find time to Escape to where we can vest ourselves in self-discovery, self-expression and connecting with the universe.


“Now that I know who and what I am, I feel driven to fulfill some purpose and can’t be happy until I find out what it is.”

Purpose – As we awaken, we begin to yearn for a greater sense of Purpose. We are compelled to ask questions, research, share with others, and be introspective to understand more about whom we are and why we are here. Our Awakening compels us to want something that the mainstream material world simply cannot deliver. We are coming to terms with who and what we are and now seek a reason why, a life mission; a purpose. This purpose can be a relationship with someone, a relationship with others, or even a relationship with divinity; but it all begins with a new relationship with ourselves thru introspection. Focusing on streamlining our life, managing our distractions, and being the kind of person we always wanted to be. We cannot live our life waiting for that one specific purpose to manifest itself. Conceiving a child, resuscitating a stranger, mentoring youth, opening minds, validating an ideal, mobilizing the community, protecting someone, dedicating our kindness…all can be purposes in our life; and although we may have one main mission in our life, our life is filled with a myriad of purposes that we may find impossible to quantify - for instance the overall or individual impact we have on our immediate environment and on those that know us. Ultimately we must be prepared to have different roles, fulfill multiple purposes, and shape the future in unforeseeable ways. We, Awakened Nightkind are catalysts. We affect everything around us, causing it to move, change and evolve. We are naturally ambitious and are seldom content with mere morsels, instead we find ourselves striving for higher and higher goals, where others would simply stop and be content. Complacency is seldom the path for Awakened Nightkind. It is possible that we may have a very strong sense of knowing our life’s purpose, but generally it is difficult to truly identify it without looking back upon our very life and beyond it. We are the ultimate makers of our destiny, by choosing our own path and willing our dreams into reality. If we acknowledge and follow our heart, our purposes will unfurl before us.


“I’ve been spending time considering my nature; this past year I have gone from Christianity to Atheism to Gnosticism and back, and I’m still searching. Why is spirituality suddenly so important to me?”

Spirituality – Spirituality is not a particular religion, a specific set of religious beliefs, practices or envisioning The Creator in any certain way. Spirituality is having the courage to keep searching inward through multiple layers of personal meaning desiring to know more about ourselves and the universe around us. As we delve into our inner nature and life mission as awakened Nightkind, we begin to yearn for a deeper spiritual connection, and revelation, where finding a spiritual path that substantiates our nature becomes paramount. This may even create an interest in spirituality for the very first time. Some of us, Awakened Nightkind, may even find spiritual truths, guidance, and connection in works of fantasy or science fiction. Essentially it doesn’t matter where we may find spiritual truths that make sense to us. These truths that speak to us so deeply, they resonate through our very being as if they were a lost key that has suddenly brought us a step closer to divinity, and so we start to gain a brand new perspective that we would never have considered before. While some of us may struggle with obtaining the ultimate spiritual truth over long periods of time, we must remember that it will come when we are ready to embrace it and not any sooner. Spirituality is not a final goal but a life-time journey, much like the Awakening. Some of us find spiritual truths in nature, science, prayer, ritual, universal energy, reincarnation, the here after, magic, miracles, prophesy, dreams, destiny, and love … others have found a spiritual doorway thru Eclecticism, Buddhism, Paganism, Taoism, Wicca, Yoga, the laws of Chaos Magic, or any other more or less accepted religion, practice or spiritual path. When we do find that doorway, that unmistakable connection, we can expect to learn the path quickly as if it were second nature, getting it quite readily, eager for the next step as if we had done this before...and perhaps we have…


“I was such a social butterfly but lately I just don’t care to go out with anyone anymore, I don’t know why.”

Socialization – The awakening may trigger a permanent or temporary inversion of social behavior. This may come as a surprise to many extroverted individuals who now prefer isolation and have lost interest in more extroverted activities, or conversely to withdrawn individuals who finally discover their social niche and become very outgoing. The awakening implies not only that we will find an undiscovered world inside ourselves, but also that we will find a brand new world of information and individuals that share our interests, nature and practices. Some of us may fall into a circle of new friends where we can exchange beliefs, attend events, create and bond with; others may withdraw to spend countless hours creating the right home environment for meditation, ritual or body work, or researching internet sources and books. Presently there is a good selection of books on Nightkind authored & co-authored by community luminaries like M. Belanger, J. Coughlin, Konstantinos, Sebastiaan Van Houten, K. Ramsland and others; these are not only good informative reads but they also provide tips on social groups and on-line organizations. There are in fact many on-line groups that not only provide informative material but also discussion forums and chat rooms where we can discuss pertinent issues and find like-minded friends. It is important to get away from the books and computers, seeking direct interactions with individuals who can facilitate/progress our Awakening process. Many of us are by nature loners so we must strive all the more to interact with others; note 'interact' not 'conform'. In-person socialization is possibly the most rewarding type of interaction as it provides us with direct real-life relationships and the opportunity to utilize our knowledge and talents in context. We may find ourselves unexplainable bonded to a individuals while growing detached from those we once felt were our best friends. Yet more so than other people, we need to be cautious of the recipients of our trust as our stakes are higher. Good friends are hard to come by and we can’t expect everyone to be trustworthy; so we must give new relationships time to bloom before investing deeply. An inversion of social behavior can also occur in a more-or-less predictable fashion. As we become more connected with the universe and its energy, it’s possible that celestial movements, particularly lunar phases, come to influence our, often fluctuating, need for socialization and self-time, generally as the full moon approaches we desire more gregarious behavior and as the moon wanes we crave more solitary moments. Feeding too, may affect our need for socialization, as we become more aware, either consciously or subconsciously, of our need to intake energy, be it sanguine or pranic, we need more social interaction. Both introversion and extroversion are great opportunities to confirm or dismiss some inner-fears and doubts, however our friends and family will certainly perceive any social behavior change to be odd and disconcerting; the truth is that either way we choose to do our ‘study’ we are well on our way toward self-actualization.


“Where can I find good teachers?”

Mentors – No one should go through the Awakening alone; instead we should seek the company of (an) individual(s) that can offer wise council and support. These mentors can be people that play important teaching roles in our lives, but they can also be strangers, books, movies, nature, and occurrences all around us where each trial is an opportunity to demonstrate our character and knowledge.
It may not be easy to find a good real-life mentor who surpasses our level of understanding, is willing to provide guidance and expansion, while being sympathetic to what we’re going through. But as we begin to realize we need a mentor and desire it, teachers begin to appear to help us on our journey. Community elders, martial arts educators, yoga instructors, High priests/essses, Authors, Heads of covens, etc.. can all be good mentors; the key lies in being able to identify who will better help us; because while we can learn from both negative and positive experiences, it is less discouraging to streamline. It is up to us to do research on any prospective mentor to determine if they are not only knowledgeable and reputable, but that they also share compatible ethics, interests and teaching methods. Surely we can’t be easily swayed by flattery, self-congratulatory story telling, and dubious tall-tales; but instead we should observe goodwill, honesty, and responsible behavior thru time. We must be careful not to idolatrize our mentors, they are after all just people with weaknesses and they may not be compatible with us in all respects. We must learn to collaborate with our mentors in what they can teach us and discount those areas where they cannot. While we may never learn more than we are prepared/open to, it is important to know if and when we have outgrown our mentor, sometimes its just time to move on or have multiple mentors, i.e. a complete nightside family.


“Ever since my awakening, everything has been going wrong in my life. I lost my job, my wife left me, I trashed my car and now my leg is in a cast. I’m losing my mind.”

Cathartic Events – The Awakening often cascades a series of unforeseeable life-changing events that permanently affect the perspective of who we are, what we are capable of doing, and what we know about life and the universe. The onset of the Awakening itself is a cathartic event which in turn can catalyze a series of seemingly unrelated events. These life altering events can include the birth of a child, a death of someone close or even multiple deaths, a life-threatening illness, an unexpected marriage or divorce, discovery or loss of a mentor, an incredible promotion or worse, loss of work, gaining a new place to live or losing it due to finances, an accident or natural disaster, and any other possible factors that can dramatically affect our sense of normalcy. Sometimes more than one life-changing occurrence hits us simultaneously, forcing us to act quickly, under stress, demonstrating our character and resolve. Cathartic events throw our life out of balance; this together with our internal process of becoming can certainly be an unexpected jolt that can bounce our life into overdrive or worse. This is a personal death process which can be very frightening and disconcerting, but we must allow it to unfold so that the old can make way for the new, and like the phoenix, we can rise renewed. So we must let everything go that must; embrace the change, and be prepared for our X’eper.
These life-changing events trigger sudden emotional culminations including overpowering feelings of great joy, sadness, shame, or any intense alteration of emotions which ultimately result in the restitution, rebirth and revitalization of the self. It is much like a state of turmoil that gives way to an emotional cleansing and a closure of old burgeoning issues. Expressing these deep-felt emotions about underlying causes of a problem(s) that have never expressed, is an integral release that sensitizes us to act or slow down, simplify or build, detach or re-connect, be compassionate, empathize, and finally re-examine who we are and what is truly important in our life.


“My Honor is all I have.”

Integrity – The Awakening brings with it the courage to be true in all aspects, to be honest not only with others but also with ourselves. This impetus is the culmination of our new self-awareness. Honesty becomes important in all our relationships, as we realize that it is time to find our own brand of truth and not be afraid to voice it. We realize that it is important to surround ourselves with people that appreciate us for our strengths as well as our weaknesses, and we begin to regard others in the same light. We become driven to be genuine, particularly to those close to us, and may find that we despise those that are otherwise. For this reason it may become intolerable to remain in a relationship, career or home environment that doesn't support who we have become. Integrity is an inner drive that compels us to speak our mind, offer sound advice and take action, even if it means declining or accepting what otherwise we might not have dared to, and keeping our word making only those promises we intend to keep. It is utilizing our acumen to balance our boldness with diplomacy and tact. Integrity is an inner sense of honor where Honesty, Respect, Loyalty, Accountability, Fortitude, Resolve, Temperance, Compassion and other virtues that enable our spiritual sovereignty play an important part. House of the Dreaming reminds us of such sovereignty as it directs us to employ the Veil of the Waking Dream as we embrace our X’eper.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Part VII
Increased self-esteem

Empowerment, Synchronicity, Interconnectivity, Meaning


“I’ve stopped caring about what everyone says I should be. I like who I am and I know where I’m going.”

Empowerment – Our new awakened self is a proud individual. Regardless of our lineage, we are self-made Nightkind Royals, conducting ourselves with regal noblesse, generosity and kindness. We may be different, eccentric even, but we cherish who we are boldly unafraid. As Awakened Nightkind, we have come to realize and harness our once latent potential. Our self-awareness has given us wings; we have grown spiritually, emotionally, and in wisdom. We no longer succumb to outside pressure, or criticism, nor to societal expectations of who and what we should be, instead now we look at ourselves as a whole, integrated being who takes charge of our own lives creating our own destiny. We have learned to recognize and shun those who try to manipulate us and our life-path with uncalled-for flattery or guilt, while we have learned to choose only those friendships that contribute to our emotional well-being and personal X’eper. We have developed our own brands of inner-strength, self-respect and self-confidence by knowing that we are unique unparalleled creatures. Our personal Empowerment is a product of our experiences, our self-discovery, our mentoring, our growth, our desires and our accomplishments. Even if we have not yet have reached the level of personal success we desire, we find a curious joy, not stress, in the challenges we will embrace on the road to this future sure-success. Life itself becomes more satisfying when we let go of regret and resentment, daring to live life by following our heart and our acumen. As we strive to attain perfect twilight, the balance of our dayside and of our nightside interests and endeavors, we reach yet another level of satisfaction and personal Empowerment.


“Lately, my life has been full of ridiculous coincidences! This tells me I’m heading in the right direction.”

Synchronicity – Sometimes nothing says “Wake up!” more clearly than synchronicity. Sometimes it becomes the very confirmation of what we’ve been feeling so deeply within us. It is natural for coincidences to manifest at an exponential rate throughout the many phases of our Awakening, almost as we are being bombarded with coincidences. Synchronicity can manifest in many forms. We can see it in the odd set of circumstances unfolding before us, in the people we meet, and in the seemingly unrelated yet parallel words we hear. How odd is it that all the new people you are meeting are pursuing some form of awakening? How odd is it that you keep hearing the words ‘inner-nature’ from TV, radio and now its in the mail!? Often it is these very same improbable seemingly accidental events that happen simultaneously or in sequence that catalyze the Awakening as they become a factor too great to be ignored. Déjà vu is often associated with the weird feeling that this has happened before, while in fact it hasn’t; this too is a form of synchronicity, as if this moment was meant to happen. We may as well get ready to experience déjà vu quite frequently. Synchronicity is a form of transcendent communication telling us under no uncertain terms that we are headed in the right direction.


“It just hit me like a tidal-wave – we are all interconnected! I feel so connected with the universe; I even know when it going to rain and what phase the moon is in without checking.”

Interconnectivity – The greater sense of integration with the all, the direct experience of being an intrinsic part of an utter unexplainable wholeness can emerge within us slowly over years or strike us suddenly. This type of transcendent awareness is a fundamental part of the Awakening Process. We may suddenly become flooded with an immense compassion and love for all life, or come to the sudden realization of our rightful place on the food chain. We may feel a particular oneness with nature, seasons or lunar cycles, feel a stronger connection with the earth or with the cosmos, and become more aware of our place in the universe often even experiencing a physical sense of integration within it. It is this very compassionate detachment, or unconditional love for ‘the all’ that raises us up to higher levels of consciousness as we come into alignment with our Higher Selves and reach a new level or inner harmony. It is through this interconnectivity that we become emotionally, mentally and spiritually stronger and clearer.


“I love my life. I now understand where I’ve been and know I’m headed in the right direction. I feel complete.”

Meaning – The Awakening compels us to pause and take inventory of our life’s accomplishments. As we look back we can see the cumulative result of our choices and of the push forward since the first step in our Awakening. As we look at what we have lost and what we have gained in the course of events, we may be faced with both pain and awe. Our dreams have led us to where we must go; and like a river bound to sea, obstacles can delay us but never stop us from reaching our final destiny. We look back and revel in the gifts and challenges bestowed upon us by the Ancients, our noble hegemony. As we begin following our intended path we are permeated by a sense of utter meaning. We know we are finally doing what we were born to do - live a meaningful purposeful life. This comes as a result of the many positive decisions we have made for ourselves and for those around us. We are finally living our dream, experiencing and enjoying life, not merely existing rifting on a raft. We realize we can direct our destination, change course if we need to. We have been discovering and utilizing our innate talents and our new sensitivities with encouraging results, and at last we have come to terms with our becoming. By assembling our dayside and nightside experiences, we finally understand the dimensions of our personal transformation and evolution. And now, our inner core is reaching for an ultimate balance we call ‘twilight’. The end result of our combined experiences and dreams is who we are, and what we ultimately do with what we have; and that may be as simple as helping other Nightkind. Although we may have many purposes for our existence, like validation and creativity, helping others who travel along the same path deepen their spirituality, better understand themselves, or cope with their own Awakening may enable us our greatest sense of meaning and with it a deep abiding sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

[The Madame X]

The Torrent of Awakening
By Madame X of the Dreaming © 2006 (2007 review)

Afterward

Some completely deny any face of the Awakening. Others claim the Awakening is a sudden realization. But many like me attest to a life long process of peeling back the layers, where we find ourselves spending the greater part of our lives reckoning with its unfolding. When we do begin to understand ourselves and our reasons why, we can then begin to exert control over those, for better or worse termed, ‘gifts’. This control is challenging and elusive. We can only truly come to terms with this desired control by understanding what makes us be who and what we are and by putting our gifts to work, training them and honing them. The Awakening is only a step in our X’eper, a step we need to take carefully with an open mind and an open heart.

Our Awakening and it realizations can certainly make us better, more enlightened individuals, but ultimately it means nothing if we do not take it further and utilize what we know to assist others in their journey. While our paths may not be the same, if my words have at least helped one person connect the dots of their own experiences or if they somehow have expanded the horizons of another, then I have succeeded in my attempt at communicating something I feel is paramount to all Nightkind.

As always, I welcome your input and reactions to what I have compiled here for you. Do not hesitate to contact me through www.houseofthedreaming.org or via my e-mail at: themadamex@hotmail.com

[Eilyn]

I think, what was hardest for me was acceptance. I went through all of the other symptoms and examined each one systematically. I remember writing them out with possible reasons or causes. But when I put the pieces together and my first Mentor told me what I already knew...I couldn't accept it. The possibility or belief, even though I knew about it and was a witch before hand, was hard to rationalize. Sure Vampires exist. Along with Therians and many other things. But my thought was...I can't really be one can I?
Years later...well yes, obviously I am. But it can be a long road. The greatest relief is acceptance of ones truest nature.

[The Madame X]

Agreed Eilyn.
Acceptance is the most challenging and the most rewarding part of the awakening. I grew up knowing that I was different, even accepted being a natural-born witch at an early age... but I struggled for years embracing my true nature, until it be came impossible to deny it. Once I came to terms with the obvious, and accepted and embraced my soul's mission a great new world unfolded before me. To look back seems almost like a dream where I merely slumbered thru life.

[LadyGigiFrost]

Dearest Madame X,
I have and I keep re-reading this article as I'm trying to find a way to write to it. I have gone through many of this things and my last awakening which I still feel to be in progress.

This is an amazing article and I simply love it. I just want you to know I'm writing something on it a few other's as well. So much valuable information. This article is vital!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to do this.

Blessed Be
Lady Frost

[The Madame X]

Thank you Gigi.
You may find that many of the points addressed in this article are discussed individually in the General Discussion forum. If you'd like, you may use the 'advanced search' option to locate and respond to the individual discussions.
Either way, I look forward to your contribution.