By Madame X ©2006
1. TRUST AND COMMUNICATION
These are the primary keys to a healthy donor relationship. Trust is built on honest communication over time. Incomplete negotiation is an error, but dishonesty during negotiation is abusive manipulation. Errors are forgivable, manipulation and coercion are not. Negotiation should include the agreement of any pertinent session details like location, degree, duration and all exchange circumstances, regardless if the agreement is for one session or for an ongoing relationship. It is vital that the donor knows their personal boundaries and expresses them clearly. Life doesn't come with guarantees, when we entrust there is always the chance of that trust becoming misused. Trust is a precious gift that once violated is difficult, if not impossible, to restore
2. VALUE AND WORTH
Both parties are halves of a whole, yin and yang, they are equal in value. Before a donor can wisely transfer energy, they must energize and empower themselves, and be familiar with energy raising techniques, for post-session recovery. Know that you can't trust and truly respect another unless you trust and respect yourself first. It is imperative to understand that while in fantasy the donor may be merely a slave, a doll, food or whatever drives you; in reality the donor is a valuable gift worthy of respect, recognition and recompense.
3. CONTROL EQUALS RESPONSIBILITY
Both parties must understand that during a session the donor is in a state of diminished capacity and their ability to make decisions is severely compromised during the time of transference. Similarly many vamps are seriously altered during a drawing session, often experiencing trances or delirium, none-the-less it is the responsibility of the dominant to secure third party presence if assistance is possibly required. The donor is entrusting their body, mind and spirit to their partner’s care, which is a sacred covenant. If you are not ready to accept the responsibility of your actions, don't accept the control.
Control is not unilateral; it is an agreed upon exchange issued with consent. Sex without consent is rape. Drawing without consent is assault. The words “No” and “Stop” are evident withdrawals of consent! Either partner should be able call the session to a halt at any time.
5. IDENTIFY ABUSE
Any relationship that works for one individual but to the detriment of the other is abusive. In a session, the donor agrees to the draw and transference, concedes control to the dominant partner to be used for their mutual benefit. The exchange must be in some way rewarding (if not pleasurable) to the donor. No matter how careful (or not) partners were, there are no excuses abuse, physical, or otherwise. People who make excuses for abusers are enablers that compound the problem. Donors must recognize abusive partners, permanently disassociate from them, and communicate abuse to community elders who are in a better position to take appropriate action. Victims frequently fear to talk about abuse because of negative response ... when this occurs it becomes as if the victim is twice abused … if the victim continues to entrust the abuser, he or she is obviously issuing consent and recanting their original grievance.