The Risks of Abstinence and Compulsion
By Madame X © 2005
We cannot deny the need to feed our Dragon within; the essential need to satiate the immense indescribable hunger for life-force that only a true vampyre can possess. This hunger consumes us, elates us and defines who we are.
It is important to keep our Dragon regularly fed to avoid binging on unsuitable sources, and to avoid moments of ravenous loss of control or pandemonium. Some still wrestle with the self-acceptance of their inner-nature and the need to feed; denying themselves for long periods of time. On the opposite side of the scale we have those that embrace their nature and not only satiate their hunger but do so compulsively as a reason to exist. Yes, we might be energy feeders, but we are not shaped exclusively by our hunger nor by our feeding, but by the sum of who we are: personality, disposition, intellect, confidence, generosity, ambition, dreams, wisdom, fortitude, integrity…
Whether we are pranic or sanguine, feeding our Dragon within, is a healthy, self-affirming behavior that can be very satisfying and life-enhancing on a myriad of levels. Although it should be conducted in private and shared only with those most intimate, due to the delicate nature of the exchange and to the general lack of mainstream society’s acceptance, feeding is certainly not a shameful behavior warranting remorse or feelings of guilt. In fact, it is often considered a sensual non-abusive experience by both partners, and as a plus, the draw encourages and stimulates mutual cellular regeneration and enhanced vitality.
Awkward perceptions on feeding can affect individuals of every cast and can upsurge at any point in life, affecting the initiate as well as the elder. Such perceptions and behaviors are usually rooted in the earliest experiences as the initiate comes to term with their inner nature and their need to satiate their hunger. Some of us may be lucky enough to have a mentor, Sire or Adra that takes the time to instill in us, the concept that energy draw is a natural facet of who we are, and although not to be taken casually it should not be equated with our self-esteem. There is very little information available on this topic and an initiate should beware of those that advocate “feed always, feed deep, feed a lot” as the way to realize our identity, or as the ultimate cure-all remedy; it is neither!
Some of us are preoccupied with the certainty of exchange; the best solution is to secure dependable, educated and screened donors at regularly scheduled times. If this preoccupation is not dealt with effectively, it is possible that it can grow into a risky obsession, where feeding becomes more important than intimacy, family, career, personal health and safety. This type of obsession can progresses into a compulsive behavior where we come to need more frequent riskier feeding, and to continually engage in feeding activities despite negative consequences. Despair over the inability to control behavior is often unavoidable. This dangerous crisis may even lead to other behavioral problems including, sexual addiction, eating disorders and chemical dependency.
In the past few years there has been an upsurge in the community advocating frequent aggressive feeding tactics. Such proponents may aim well but are misleading. Different individuals will need different amounts of surplus life-force depending on our very specific metabolic rate. No one can tell us how often to feed, for there is no objective norm. Some claim a greater need for frequent feeding for those of the Ramkht cast and a lesser need for those of the Mradu cast, with the Kitra somewhere in-between, but the terms ‘frequent’ and ‘regular’ are certainly relative and subjective. It behooves us to find our own balance while seeking the edge, yet still remain on solid ground.
In many cases behaviors like avoidance from feeding and compulsive feeding patterns are not about the hunger or lack thereof, but about a need for acceptance, affection and affirmation. We may find ourselves in prolonged disordered feeding situations for a variety of reasons where the jarring community and societal pressures are among the most prominent, closely followed by our own internal issues. Feeling overwhelmed by emotional strain or emotional abuse and blaming our nature for all our misfortunes can certainly bring about prolonged periods of binging and/or abstinence. Similarly, there are those who rely on the draw for comfort from emotional strife, trying to furtively fill a void inside; in this case, disordered feeding is a way to forget the pain and the desire for affection. Search for power and control can also be a strong motivator for disordered feeding. Even more empowering than the draw, is the feeling of being surrounded by those who are willing to give of themselves and the feeling of being on the top the proverbial food chain. Feeding is an empowering behavior, but should not be performed exclusively for establishing power or to assuage mundaneaty. There are times that deep draw may be the one thing that gives us the surcease we need to endure the very worst situations, as we block-out our issues reveling in the half-real world of our donor’s, but it should not become a regular replacement for other things in our life. Feeding should not be relied on for comfort from pain, to obtain acceptance, to boost self-esteem, to feel powerful, nor as a means to escape reality, stress, boredom or anxiety, nor to find nor evade sleep.
As a side note, the internet has become the newest, most rapidly growing form of long distance pranic draw. It certainly is not the best place neither to screen donors nor to truly know and trust a vampyric partner, but it often provides the “more and easier” fix that many psi-vamps (and donors alike) need. The cyber vamp will spend increasingly longer amounts of time on the net, moving quickly into more extreme behaviors, taking greater risks and literally playing with fire.
Identifying and acknowledging propensities toward bad habits early may prevent a train wreck of problems and losses. Some of us might have, at some point in our lives, engaged in one or more of these somewhat awkward behaviors; these only really become detrimental when there is an irresistible need to maintain these habits, and despite serious negative social, psychological and physical repercussions, we are unable to stop, control or moderate these potentially risky behaviors.
- SMS (self mutilating syndrome). SMS is directly linked with early stages of Renfield’s Syndrome where the blood from the self-inflicted wound is consumed.
- Obsessive Compulsive behavior. Can’t stop thinking about feeding, can’t stop engaging in feeding activity despite adverse consequences. This progressively negative and intrusive behavior strips away self-esteem.
- Compulsive surface feeding. While surface/environmental draw is beneficial, compulsive behavior is not. Everyone we see should not be a snack. Generally such numerous little snacks just leave us hungrier for a real meal.
- Compulsive grazing from multiple (often unscreened) donors picked up at bars, or with total strangers, where the draw is the object and no relationship is established is a risky parasitic behavior.
- Multiple donors to establish power. Although multiple screened donors can be a healthful behavior, maintaining donor harems to exclusively establish power and control is inappropriate and mutually detrimental.
- Establishing a chain of casual (or intimate) relationships for the sole purpose of feeding; and similarly being unable to establish relationships with any other purpose or direction.
- Frequently patronizing high energy establishments like raves, concerts or clubs, not for the contents of the performance, but for the sole purpose of the draw.
- Habitual exhibitionism. Exhibitionism is a sure way to draw energy, and although there are many avenues to pursue, both live and cyber, overtly sexual behavior can also draw the undesirable eye of the law.
- Histrionics and drama (drama-queens). Socially damaging behavior that raises the negative energy for the sole purpose of feeding. This is the most damaging attention seeking behavior, as it usually affects not only the community as a whole but those closer to us and often results in irreparably broken ties.
- Establishing undeclared energy tendrils to tap sources at will from remote locations. Although there is nothing wrong with authorized tendrils between consenting adults, any behavior lacking full-discloser is risky and considered an attack.
- Astral attack. Deliberately setting out to astrally drain others while they sleep, by entering their dreams and taping into their life-force.
- Fetishism and Bloodist behavior. Utilizing our nature (or lack there of) as an excuse to engage in risky sanguine or sadomasochistic behavior, where there is no actual hunger or need to feed, just a desire to engage in extreme play.
- Inappropriateness or abuse. Crossing the pre-established donor’s boundaries or refusing to stop when the donor requests it.
- Hypersexuality and Promiscuity. Periods of unusually intense libido resulting in indiscriminate intercourse for the sole purpose of feeding, increasing the risk of transmitted diseases, and generating a pointed loss of self-esteem.
- Rape. Forcing another person to be sexual against their will as a means to feed.
- Remorse. Feeling guilty or regretting the draw. Resenting or feeling embarrassed about their inner nature, blaming their nightside for social and professional failures and retaliating with hostility on themselves or others around them.
- Denial, shame and confusion. As the preoccupation with satiating the hunger increases the individual is pushed to act out their extreme need, which is then followed by periods of self-denial, feelings of shame about their inner nature and hunger, resulting in a state of confusion.
- Abstinence. Remorse, denial and binging often cause some of us to abstain from feeding for a period of time until the resolve weakens, and pandemonium sets in demanding that the Dragon be fed now by any means available. These periods of abstinence are unhealthy, risky and highly dangerous.
- Insanity. Continually doing the same things and expecting different results. Reoccurring episodes of abstinence and compulsive feeding are severely taxing on the body, mind and spirit.
- Depression. Feeling a deep loss of control and self-worth because of irregular feeding habits, the individual may seek isolation, punishment and contemplate suicidal thoughts.
- Comorbid Bipolar Disorder. Periods of binging and abstinence can bring about borderline personality disorders like bipolarity, schizophrenia as well as paranoid or hysteric episodes.
- Substance abuse. Turning to alcohol, drugs, and chemicals to sooth the state of mind is ineffective and a very risky way of coping resulting in culminating problems and dependence.
There has not been much medical or scientific research conducted on the neuro-chemical changes associated with feeding. From related studies, we can conclude that the levels of specific brain chemicals are elevated during sanguine and pranic draw; these generate pleasurable, rewarding and even addictive sensations. Among them are: Phenylethylamine (PEA) an addictive brain chemical triggered by the feeding euphoria, and Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and reward. It is also highly likely that there is a systematic decrease of dopamine receptors in individuals who have developed a tolerance, needing progressively more and more frequent, deeper draws. Conversely, during periods of abstinence these brain generated chemicals reach all-time lows and lacking balance this will detrimentally affect the feeder. We can also infer that both pranic draw and sanguine draw exerts its most profound effect on the dorsal striatum and on the limbic portions of the brain. The limbic brain is equated with the reptilian brain, the root of our Dragon Within. It houses control centers for memory, emotions, libido and similarly controls body temperature, blood pressure, hunger, thirst and sleep.
Some observable social, psychological and physical signs and symptoms of abstinence and compulsive feeding behavior include:
- Anemia or iron deficiency
- Approval seeking behavior
- Chronic headaches/migrane
- Decreased self-esteem
- Disarranged bowel
- Dizziness and fainting spells
- Electrolyte imbalance
- Feelings of guilt and shame
- Fluctuating levels of indispensable minerals and vitamins
- Fluctuations in blood pressure
- Fluctuations in body temperature
- Fluctuations in energy and motivation level
- Fluctuations in libido
- Hypersensitivity of central nervous system
- Increased allergic reactions
- Increased food intolerances
- Insomnia or sleep deprivation
- Metabolic changes
- Mild to serious forms of psychosis
- Mood swings and irritability
- Muscle weakness
- Palpitation or irregular heart beats
- Pandemonium, feeling out of control when it comes to feeding
- Pasty pale complexion (über goth lol)
- Premature aging
- Resurfacing of old ailments
- Self-abusive behavior
- Skin issues
- Suicidal tendencies
- Undermining of the immune system
It is important that not only we identify risky propensities within ourselves but also in our family members. Early recognition and intervention of possible behavioral pitfalls by Sire, Family Elder or Kitra can certainly deter grave consequences. It is impossible to determine the long term mental and physiologic repercussions of abstinence or compulsive feeding behavior. Unfortunately it is usually only after a public crisis that such behavior comes to light, the worst cases are irretrievable, like death. It is imperative that such troubled individuals be listened to with empathy and respect seeking to identify and heal the emotional issues that trigger disarranged feeding behavior, where the value of the self as a whole person is the key. Establishing a dependable screened donor pool and supplementing energy intake with elemental sources, is a very healthful balanced recommendation. It is also important to maintain healthy social interaction, to discard negative influences and to make new friends …and yes, even the non-awakened can be enjoyable company with their pleasant disposition and simplicity of thought. In addition, when adequately feeding our dragon, it is important to supplement our metabolism with vitamin B complex, iron and zinc, the occasional cup of St. John’s Wort herb tea …and … we can’t forget our fruits and vegetables.