Vampirism and Relationships

[LadyDarkAdora]

Vampirism and Relationships
Written by Adora (Sept. 30, 2011), Ward to Madame X of House of the Dreaming

The effect vampirism has on romantic (open and closed), friendly or family relationships varies on who one is being involved with. Each circumstance is different and thus each outcome will be just as different. What I am saying here is not an absolute thing in the least; it is simply my personal experiences. I hope that the voicing of these experiences may help others and possibly have some input that can help me as well.

Relationships are difficult to endure without having to add the difficulties that being awaken to being more than human or mundane. Being in a relationship requires hard work/attention, dedication/commitment, trust/Honesty, bonding and respect. These individual goals can be hard all on their own. Let's break it down in parts. This way we can figure out what each thing means and why it is important for a relationship to work while also seeing how it grows that much more difficult when adding vampirism to it.

Hard work and attention in a relationship means to consistently put forth the effort to make something better, stronger and sturdier. All things in life require hard work; this includes love, friends and family. Without the effort there is nothing worth fighting for because there is nothing built up to protect. It is like this: A person builds a house and when burglars come they try to protect it because of all the hard work and time they put into their home. If they did not build the house or buy it and it was given to them, they may not put as much heart behind protecting the house. With Vampirism it can be hard to dedicate so much work to a relationship when there is consistently other issues trying to surface that need work done on as well. With the consistent growth, or awakening, it can be rather difficult to protect a house when being attacked from all sides.

Dedication and commitment is not exactly the same thing but they work together so closely that it is hard not to group them together. To dedicate one is to set aside for that person. Whether it is time, or something else set aside it is still considered dedication. To make a commitment is to make a pledge which can be classified as dedicating. Now commitment and dedication does not solely mean a closed one on one relationship. To be dedicated and committed to something can mean to anything. We can dedicate ourselves to making the other person or to keeping the relationship from getting dull. We commit to make some changes for the better of OURSELVES first and for the relationship second. Now how does vampirism make committing harder? Well we are prone to change, and with changes we are likely to change our thought processes or feelings on some things. If first they were okay with being in a closed relationship and now they no longer are - it is because they made a change. It is not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes things like this can be worked around, but other times we just realize that maybe it’s time to say our blessings and move on to the next part or path of our lives.

Trust and honesty work hand in hand. In order to trust someone they must have been honest. If they are dishonest then trust is lost. The same is the other way around. In order to gain trust you too must be honest. Lies only make things so much worse. The truth hurts, lies hurt more because then it brings into question everything that was ever said or done. It makes us think - if they can lie about this then what else have they lied about and what else will they lie about. Once trust is lost it is hard to regain because there will be questions trying to pull the trust away. With vampirism it makes trust harder to gain and to give. I think the reason is because most who are "vampires" (I put vampires in quotations because I personally do not think the word properly describes what we are but it is the closest word that fits) feel more so than the mundane. Our feelings are prone to be stronger, faster and more painful.

Respect can be the hardest thing in a relationship. We need to know how to respect everyone's personal limits as well as to respect their choices and them as a whole. This can be hard when our feelings contradict theirs. It can be hard to respect them when we feel as if our feelings are not respected. Equality really is the best thing for this. Just remember to think of them and not just you, but do not just put you out of the picture as well. Although you want them to be happy, you have the right to be happy as well. You just need to know where to draw the line between respecting them and respecting yourself.

Bonding, to me, seems like the most important quality of any relationship. It is a consistent process of growth and learning that builds and builds and builds on the relationship. It’s the part of continuingly getting to know someone, growing closer to them and building new experiences and memories together. The bonding process is a wonderful and difficult thing at the same time. Although it is great to get to know someone, sometimes the things we learn are not the best. With vampirism bonds grow stronger than most mundane. We find it hard to break off bonds that we have invested so much emotion, time and thought into. However since our bonds are stronger, so are the emotions within them. We feel more for that person or feel stronger I should say. Both way bonding and growth are one of the most important parts of a relationship.

Now that we have talked about the general qualities needed in any relationship, let us break down the types of relationships we are talking about. We have friends, family, open romantic and closed (one-on-one) romantic relationships.

Friends are honestly one of the most simplistic forms of relationships. It is easy to gain a friend when all qualities of relationships are followed. Such friendships can be life long lasting if each quality is reinforced on a basis. Basically it’s just the concept of learning to be a good person by you and then being a good person for them that is ideal in gaining and keeping a friend. Friendship then has the opportunity to grow into more like lovers or family. I honestly feel friendship is a stepping stone to a stronger relationship.

Family does not mean blood family. It is the people there for you when you need them most and they stay there for you even if you do not need them any longer. A family relationship is a wonderful one and is hard to grasp in my mind. I have had a bad blood family and finding a spiritual family has been the best thing that has happened to me. I have now been able to grasp what a family does instead of wondering what families do. Now a family relationship takes the work too and all qualities apply to this. Without these qualities you may become simply an acquaintance instead of a family member.

Open Romantic relationships can be wondrous and horrid things. Personally I think they can work if there are no lies, no deceit, no betrayal, and no pursuing one more than you. Since it is Open, everything needs to be open and leaving things up to assumptions and interpretations only lead to more issues. Now if you sit and write down rules, then everything is there it should be clear. However it seems that when something is open people feel they can do whatever they want despite the rules. They forget something or it slips their mind or they leave it out and not consider it a lie. It’s just a big pile of pain. Personally I have had nothing but pain with the open relationship. That does not mean it would not work for you if you kept everything open and honest, it just means that the honest and open part was left out for me. I also am a bit jealous when it comes to others. I want to be the one and only to someone, and I can’t be the world to someone when they have the entire solar system to pick from.

Closed (one-on-one) romantic, just like the open romantic relationship, can be great or horrid. If it’s closed it can be more prone to lies and deceit. Cheating happens because it is not "open". Jealousy still happens but not as bad as the open relationship. However since this is closed and thus one on one it can be easier to make stronger because there are not as many outside influences punching holes in the relationship. It can be better to only worry about you and he/she instead of you, him/her and whoever else is being sexually involved in the relationship.

As you can see - relationships require a lot. It is never easy and the moments that are filled with joy will later be filled with sorrow. Now you may ask me what works for me, honestly I do not know. I have tried everything and it seems that no matter what I do that I end up feeling more sorrow than joy. I wait the day when I go - Oh my gosh, I am happy and I do not fear crying anymore. It may be an unrealistic thing to hope for, but we are all allowed to dream. I think my biggest advice would be to not only follow your heart but your intuition as well. If you feel like you are not happy and need to leave, and then go through the steps of taking the emotional steps back in order to prepare yourself for separation. If you feel it may work, then put forth the effort. Then again, if you are unsure I suppose you should just be prepared for whichever happens. Just remember that your smile counts too.

[The Madame X]

Beautiful article Adora.
I would like to add one thought.
I was always thought that we should treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves ... life has thought me that we should treat others as they would like to be treated.
Everyone has different needs and boundaries. Its not easy to measure our steps by the parameters of our friends and meet their expectations, but it is at least important we try.

[LadyDarkAdora]

That is a valid point. do you mind if I edit the article to include that addition from you if I quote it to you?

[The Madame X]

Sure you can no need to quote me...

The topic of the dimension of relationships has been on my mind quite a lot.
There is something else that we do in relationships, overtime we teach each other what to expect in terms of the parameters and limitations of the relationship. And trouble occurs when either partner fails to meet the pre-set expectations or suddenly changes the parameters.
To illustrate we can use the example of a couple who work the same shift and they return to each other every evening, say one partner's work shift changes and now the parameters of the relationship is altered, this can cause hardship and adjustment, both physical and emotional. Along the same lines of emotional hardship and adjustment is a relationship where a partner who for months demonstrates affection in a myriad of ways including frequent contact suddenly stops doing so ... and no doubt if the situation were reversed where a partner would all of the sudden begin to demonstrate an overflow of attention where before it was scant. I use the example of romantic situations, but obviously these can be extracted to include close contact between friends that suddenly dwindles and vice-versa. Similarly, we train each other by the way we interact day to day on line and in person and often, because its so easy to deceive on-line we find we disappoint each other in person. This last mention is something to be weary about these days.
Point being - In any relationship we teach each other what should be expected and when a deviation from our normal pattern occurs then we must expect hardship and adjustment.

Vampirism is an extra factor indeed. Certainly it affects the relationship between me and my donor(s) but more than that it certainly it affects my levels of awareness and sensibilities when I interact with others, and the closer the bond the more i can see into them and into their soul, regardless of what they wish to openly share. Many times i am forced to shut up and swallow my instinct and my awareness for the sake of respecting my friend's privacy and individuality. As an intuitive vampire i often find myself knowing more than i should and having to eat it, if you know what i mean. I often look at my friends and try to understand why their veil of deceit is so important, are they so insecure, so threatened, so overwhelmed... or is it really because they think I'm stupid? lol

[LadyDarkAdora]

since I can not edit my post on here I edited my Note on facebook that this is in - it now has your quotes and it is given credit to you because I think your words are so wise that not giving credit would be a shame and I am trying to work on properly giving credit so that I can do the same in school.

[deacongray]

I do hope you will share this on my board as well.
it is well written and considered.

[LadyDarkAdora]

which board ?